18 Opening A Speech Jokes

Puns

Updated on: Jul 26 2025

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Why did the comedian become a speechwriter? Because they wanted to add humor to every opening line!
Why did the orator carry a microphone to the gym? Because they wanted to work on their speaking muscles!
Why did the speechwriter bring a plant to the podium? To add some 'branching' points to the talk!
Why did the motivational speaker bring a compass to their speech? To ensure they're heading in the right direction!
Why did the speechwriter bring a suitcase to the podium? To unpack a plethora of ideas!
Why did the motivational speaker bring a map to their speech? To guide the audience through their inspiring journey!
Why did the public speaker bring a watch to the podium? To ensure their speech had perfect timing!
Why did the public speaker bring a ladder to the podium? Because they wanted to take their speech to new heights!

Mic Drop Anxiety

You ever hold a microphone and suddenly feel the weight of the entire room's judgment? It's like holding a newborn baby, except instead of cooing, people are just silently judging your life choices.

Casual Friday Formalities

Casual Fridays at the office are a trap. Suddenly, you're expected to look like you're heading to a beach party, but you're stuck giving a presentation. It's hard to be taken seriously when your audience is distracted by your Hawaiian shirt.

Q&A Roulette

Q&A sessions are the ultimate game of roulette. You raise your hand, and you're not sure if you'll get a well-thought-out question or if Greg from accounting is about to ask if you believe in aliens.

Speech Transitions

Transitions in a speech are like trying to merge onto a busy highway. You signal, inch your way in, and hope no one gives you the I can't believe you just said that glare.

Closing Remarks

Closing remarks are like the conclusion of a bad date. You're relieved it's over, and you're not entirely sure if anyone is going to call you back. But hey, at least you tried, right?

Opening a Speech

You know, opening a speech is a lot like starting a diet. You have good intentions, everyone's watching, and halfway through, you're just praying it won't end in regret and awkward silence.

Awkward Icebreakers

Why do they call them icebreakers? It's more like we're trying to melt Antarctica with our discomfort. Hi, my name is Joe, and my hobbies include avoiding eye contact and pretending I remember people's names.

Standing Ovation Expectations

I love how speakers expect a standing ovation after every speech. It's like, calm down, Susan; this isn't Broadway, and your talk on office etiquette didn't exactly leave us craving an encore.

Zoom Background Mishaps

The worst part of virtual presentations? Zoom backgrounds. Nothing says professionalism like accidentally turning yourself into a potato during an important meeting. It's the modern-day equivalent of spinach in your teeth.

PowerPoint Karaoke

PowerPoint presentations are like a game of karaoke where no one knows the lyrics. We're all just nodding along, hoping the slides will start singing, Sweet Caroline or Bohemian Rhapsody to save us from corporate monotony.

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