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You ever notice how our sense of smell can lead to some real conflicts? I mean, I walked into my friend's apartment the other day, and I was hit with this odor, this smell that could only be described as a mix between old gym socks and leftover takeout from a questionable restaurant. I was like, "Dude, what died in here?" And he's like, "Oh, that's just my new air freshener." Air freshener? It was more like air assault! I swear, it was like a chemical warfare experiment gone wrong. I started questioning his life choices. I'm thinking, "Is this what you're into? Do you have scented candles shaped like hazardous waste containers?" I mean, nothing says 'home sweet home' like a scent that makes your eyes water. So now, I'm in this dilemma - do I breathe and risk losing consciousness, or hold my breath and risk looking like a fish out of water? It's a lose-lose situation, my friends.
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Have you ever been in an elevator and suddenly smelled something so foul that you start suspecting everyone around you? It's like a game of Clue, but instead of Colonel Mustard with a candlestick, it's Mrs. Johnson with the mystery stench! I was in this elevator, and it hit me - this smell, this odor that was so potent it could wake the dead. I'm looking at the guy next to me like, "Was it you?" And he's looking at me like, "Nah, man, it wasn't me!" And then there's always that one person who pretends they can't smell anything. They're standing there, nose in the air, like they're immune to the olfactory apocalypse we're experiencing. I'm like, "Come on, Karen, we all smell it! You're not fooling anyone with your 'I'm too good for smells' act.
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Let's talk about the office fridge, the black hole of forgotten lunches and science experiments gone wrong. I opened it the other day, and I swear I was hit with an odor that can only be described as the ghost of lunches past. It's like a crime scene in there. I found Tupperware containers dating back to the Jurassic period. And then there's always that one person who denies their responsibility for the funky smell. They're standing there, innocent as can be, while the rest of us are playing detective, trying to figure out who brought in the mystery casserole that's now evolved into a living organism. I've seen horror movies with less suspense than an office fridge cleanup.
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Why is it that some people think the solution to covering up a bad smell is to drown themselves in perfume or cologne? I was on the bus the other day, and this guy gets on, and it's like he took a bath in a perfume factory. I'm talking Eau de Overkill. I had to check my watch to make sure I didn't accidentally step into a time machine and end up in the 18th century French court. It's like they're in a competition to see who can asphyxiate the entire bus first. I'm sitting there, trying to read my book, but I'm getting a contact high from the scent cloud around this person. At that point, I don't know if I should offer them a breath mint or a hazmat suit.
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