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You ever hear about this concept of muscle confusion? They say it's the key to getting ripped. Like, your muscles won't grow if you keep doing the same workout routine. So, I tried it out. I confused my muscles. I walked into the gym and did the cha-cha instead of lifting weights. My muscles were like, "What's going on here? Are we dancing or bench pressing? I'm so confused!" I even tried confusing my brain to see if that would help. I started studying for exams while doing bicep curls. Let me tell you, my grades were as confused as my muscles. I got an A in P.E. and an F in history because apparently, I confused the dates of World War II with the release dates of my favorite action movies.
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Let's talk about muscle milk. What's the deal with that stuff? It's supposed to help you build muscle, but it tastes like someone melted a vanilla-scented candle into a glass of milk. I tried drinking it once, and my taste buds were so confused; they filed a complaint with the culinary police. I mean, who came up with the idea of blending protein with the aroma of a scented candle? It's like they said, "Let's make something that tastes as bad as possible and see if people still drink it because it's good for them." I'd rather do a thousand squats than take another sip of that candle-flavored concoction.
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You know, they talk about muscle memory like it's this incredible thing. Like, your muscles remember how to do stuff even if you haven't done it in years. But then there's actual memory, and my brain can't even remember where I put my car keys five minutes ago. I tried applying muscle memory logic to my life. I figured if I practice losing my keys every day, eventually my muscles will remember where I put them. Spoiler alert: Now my muscles are just as forgetful as my brain. I'll be flexing my biceps, and suddenly they're like, "Wait, where did I leave that dumbbell?
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Have you ever been in a situation where someone starts flexing their muscles for no reason? Like, we get it, you lift. But there's a time and place for everything. I was at a funeral once, and this guy starts flexing his muscles, trying to impress people. Dude, it's a funeral, not a bodybuilding competition. I tried to one-up him by flexing my brain, but that just led to some weird looks. People were like, "Why is this guy making thinking faces at a funeral?" I guess there's no proper etiquette for brain flexing yet. Maybe I'll start a new trend – intellectual flexing. Watch out, Mensa, I'm coming for you!
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