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Monks walk with a slow, deliberate pace. I tried that in a busy mall once, and people thought I was practicing interpretive dance. I guess finding inner peace looks a lot like dodging shopping bags and avoiding collisions.
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Monks take a vow of silence, but have you seen them communicate with their eyes? It's like they have a secret language. I tried that with my friend, but we just ended up staring at each other awkwardly until someone laughed nervously.
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Have you ever seen a monk's robe? It's like the ultimate fashion statement for minimalists. I tried wearing one to work, but my boss said it wasn't the 'business casual' look they were going for. Who knew enlightenment had a dress code?
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Monks spend hours in silent meditation. I tried that at a coffee shop once, and people thought I was just a really patient person waiting for my latte. I guess the Starbucks meditation class is still in development.
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Monks eat mindfully, savoring every bite. I tried that during Thanksgiving dinner, but the turkey wasn't as patient as a bowl of rice. Maybe I need a gratitude journal for my meals.
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Ever notice how calm and serene monks are? I tried sitting cross-legged for five minutes, and I looked more like a pretzel than a Zen master. They must have some secret monk yoga that the rest of us missed.
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Monks believe in detachment from material possessions. I tried that with my smartphone, and suddenly, I felt like I'd been excommunicated from the digital world. Who knew Google Maps was a spiritual crutch?
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Monks live in monasteries, secluded from the chaos of the world. I live in an apartment building with paper-thin walls. I've learned more about my neighbors' lives than I ever wanted to. I guess that's the opposite of a monastery – more like a "monastory.
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Monks shave their heads as a symbol of letting go of worldly attachments. I tried that once. Turns out, letting go of my hair didn't make me more enlightened, just colder in the winter. Maybe I need a spiritual toupee.
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