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You know, I recently got my master's degree. Yeah, I thought it would open doors for me, but it turns out the only door it opened was the one to my parents' house. I'm practically living there now, rent-free, just hanging my master's degree on their fridge as if it's some kind of modern art. You know you've hit a low point in life when your master's degree becomes a very expensive refrigerator decoration. I tried explaining to my landlord (aka mom) that my master's degree in philosophy is the reason I can't find a job. She just looked at me and said, "Well, at least you're a master at something.
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Dating with a master's degree is a whole new level of awkward. I tried impressing a date once by reciting Shakespearean sonnets. They looked at me and said, "Can you just say something normal, like, 'I like your shoes'?" I guess not everyone appreciates being serenaded with highbrow poetry on the first date. Note to self: Save the Shakespeare for at least the third date, and by then, hope they're into it or at least pretending well.
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So, I'm navigating the real world with my master's degree, and let me tell you, it's like bringing a philosophy book to a knife fight. The other day, I tried to pay for groceries with my extensive knowledge of existentialism. The cashier wasn't impressed. She was like, "That'll be $50." I was like, "What is money, really? A social construct designed to keep us from true happiness?" I'm pretty sure she called for security. Turns out, the real world doesn't accept abstract ideas as currency. Who knew?
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Having a master's degree is like having a superpower that only works in very specific situations. It's not like I can walk into a Starbucks and say, "I'll have a grande latte, and by the way, did you know the inherent meaninglessness of existence is a core theme in post-modernist literature?" The barista would probably reply, "That's great, sir, but we close in five minutes." I'm still waiting for the moment when someone says, "We need someone who can analyze Shakespeare's sonnets right now!" That's when I'll swoop in with my master's degree like, "I've been training for this my whole life!
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