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Why did the tweet apply for a job? It wanted to work on its character count.
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Why did the social media guru break up with their partner? They needed more space.
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Why did the social media influencer bring a ladder to the bar? They wanted to reach new heights of popularity.
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Why did the smartphone break up with Twitter? It found someone more touch-sensitive.
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Why did the Twitter user bring a ladder to the tweet? They wanted to reach the top of the feed.
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Life is like Twitter in the sense that it's a constant struggle to be liked. I even tried using hashtags in real life, but it turns out #OutOfPlace is not as effective as I thought.
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Life is like Twitter, short and full of unnecessary drama. I mean, I can't even go to the grocery store without feeling like I'm in the middle of a trending hashtag. #GroceryStoreDrama
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Life is like Twitter because both are filled with moments that make you question humanity. Like when you see someone arguing passionately about pineapple on pizza. Really? That's the hill you want to die on? #PizzaGate
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Trying to adult is like tweeting about your responsibilities – you can do it, but you know no one really cares. 'Just paid my bills. #Adulting' Yeah, no one's liking that tweet.
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I tried to make my life more interesting by live-tweeting it. Turns out, 'Woke up, had coffee, went to work' doesn't get as many retweets as I thought. #EpicFail
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You ever notice how life and Twitter both have that character limit? I wish I could edit my life like I edit my tweets. 'Oops, that awkward conversation didn't happen. #LifeEdit'
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Life and Twitter have this weird similarity – you can be having a great day, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, someone ruins it with a controversial opinion. 'Oh, you like pineapple on pizza? Well, there goes my mood. #RuinedDay'
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Life is like Twitter because both are filled with people who can't spell and refuse to use punctuation. I'm just waiting for someone to walk up to me and say, 'Hi, I'm your new neighbor, without vowels. Nice to meet you. #LifeInALanguageMystery'
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Life is so much like Twitter that sometimes I feel like I need a block button for people in real life. 'Sorry, Karen, but your negativity has been deemed offensive. #BlockedInRealLife'
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