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Hey, everybody! So, I recently decided to join a gym. Yeah, I figured it's about time I start working on my "dad bod" before it becomes a full-blown "grandpa bod." But here's the thing, guys - I joined this super progressive, liberal gym. Yeah, it's so liberal, they don't have scales. That's right, no scales. They're like, "We don't believe in numbers, man. It's all about how you feel." I'm like, "Well, I feel like I should've joined a gym with scales so I could track my progress, but okay, let's do this by feelings." And the workout routines? They're all named after social justice movements. There's the "Equal Distribution of Dumbbells," the "Feminist Flex," and my personal favorite, the "Climate Change Crunches." You do those while chanting, "Save the planet, lose the pounds!"
It's a wild place, folks. I asked the trainer if there's a conservative gym nearby, and they said, "Yeah, it's called 'Lift Right.' But warning, they only have red weights.
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So, I've been observing some parenting trends lately. There's this new wave of liberal parenting where they're all about letting their kids express themselves. It's like, "Oh, little Timmy wants to be a dinosaur today? Sure, honey, wear the T-Rex costume to school." I appreciate the creativity, but I can't help but wonder what happens when these kids grow up. Are they going to show up to job interviews dressed as superheroes? Will board meetings become cosplay conventions?
And then there's the issue of discipline. Traditional parents would threaten to take away privileges, but liberal parents are like, "We believe in positive reinforcement. If little Jenny doesn't finish her vegetables, we take away her kale smoothie privileges." It's a tough world out there, folks.
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Have you noticed how everything is becoming so liberal these days, even technology? I mean, I asked my virtual assistant, "Hey, Siri, do you lean left or right?" Siri responded, "I lean towards providing information based on a variety of sources to ensure a balanced perspective." I thought, "Well, aren't you politically correct?" But then I tried the same question with Alexa, and she said, "I don't lean. I'm designed to stand upright and serve everyone equally." I'm like, "Okay, Alexa, calm down. I just wanted to know the weather forecast, not your political stance."
But you know, in this liberal tech world, even our gadgets are avoiding controversial conversations. I miss the good old days when my GPS would yell at me for taking a wrong turn. Now, it's like, "Recalculating. No judgment, just suggesting an alternative route if that's okay with you." Come on, GPS, give me a little attitude!
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You know, I recently met someone with a liberal arts degree. Yeah, they were proudly telling me about it, saying how they're equipped to tackle the world's problems with critical thinking and creativity. I thought, "That's great! So, what kind of job did you land with that liberal arts degree?" They were like, "I'm a barista." I mean, hey, no judgment. We need our coffee. But I couldn't help but think, are they using abstract expressionism to create the perfect latte art? Is there a hidden political message in my cappuccino foam? I can't tell if I'm sipping on a hot beverage or decoding a postmodern masterpiece.
I asked them if they regretted their choice of major, and they said, "Nah, man, life's too short for regrets." I thought, "Well, your latte line is getting pretty long, and I'm starting to regret not getting my caffeine fix at a trade school.
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