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Joke Types
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Why did the landlord start a gardening club? He wanted to cultivate some green in his portfolio!
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Why did the landlord become a chef? He wanted to cook up some rent-aurants!
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Why did the landlord start a band? Because he wanted to collect rent-a-notes!
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I asked my landlord if I could have a pet. He said, 'Sure, just don't let it paws the rent!
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My landlord told me I need to fix the leaky faucet. I asked if that's in the lease agreement – turns out, it's in the 'drip' section!
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Why did the landlord become a therapist? He's an expert at dealing with tenant-ial issues!
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Why did the tomato turn red in front of the landlord? It saw the salad dressing!
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Why did the landlord go to therapy? He had too many issues with commitment – lease agreements, that is!
Landlord: The Master Negotiator
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Trying to negotiate with your landlord is like playing chess with a grandmaster. You think you've got a solid move, and they counter with a rent increase and a mandatory carpet shampooing. Checkmate, tenant.
Landlords and the Art of Surprise Inspections
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Why do landlords think surprise inspections are a good idea? It's like living in a game show where you have 10 minutes to hide your questionable life choices. Quick, shove that laundry under the bed and pretend you always keep your kitchen this clean!
Landlords' Definition of Urgency
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When you tell your landlord there's a problem, they act like it's an emergency. You'd think a fire-breathing dragon was loose in the apartment. They rush over, look at the issue, and say, I'll get to it in a week. Thanks, Captain Urgency.
Landlord Logic
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My landlord once told me he's raising the rent because the neighborhood is improving. I'm like, Improving? Last night, I saw a raccoon wearing a leather jacket stealing my garbage. That's not gentrification; that's a wildlife rebellion!
Landlords and Security Deposits
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Landlords and security deposits are like frenemies. You move out, and they're suddenly Sherlock Holmes, inspecting every nook and cranny for signs of wear and tear. I half expect them to pull out a magnifying glass and say, Elementary, my dear tenant, you owe us for that thumbtack hole in the wall.
Landlords' Sense of Timing
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Landlords have impeccable timing. The heater breaks down in the dead of winter, the air conditioner malfunctions during a heatwave, and the plumbing decides to take a vacation right when you're hosting a dinner party. It's like they have a hotline to Murphy's Law.
The Landlord Chronicles
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You ever notice how landlords have this magical ability to fix things right before your lease is up? It's like they have a calendar that says, Ah, it's almost time for them to leave, better fix that leaky faucet and repaint the walls... with one coat.
Landlords and Mystery Fees
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Landlords are like magicians with hidden fees. You pay your rent, and then they pull out a hat and go, Oh, there's a 'landscaping fee' and a 'mailbox polishing tax.' Next month, we'll be introducing the 'air-breathing surcharge.'
Landlords, the DIY Experts
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My landlord thinks he's a handyman. Last week, I had a leak in my bathroom, so I called him. He shows up with a plunger and duct tape. I'm like, Is this a plumbing emergency or an arts and crafts project?
The Elusive Landlord Visit
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Getting your landlord to actually come to your place is like trying to summon a unicorn. You send a repair request, light some candles, and hope for the best. But instead of a magical creature, you get an email saying, Fixed it remotely. Good luck!
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