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I admire how journalists can turn a weather report into a dramatic saga. "Breaking: Storm Approaching!" It's rain, Karen, not the apocalypse. I'm just trying to decide whether to grab an umbrella or risk it with a hoodie.
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Journalists love asking the tough questions, like they're in an interrogation room with a suspect. "Sir, can you confirm or deny that you ate the last cookie?" I swear, next time they'll be asking about my alibi for finishing the milk.
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I love how journalists use the word "exclusive" like they've just uncovered the secrets of the universe. "Exclusive interview with a cat who can play the piano!" I mean, come on, my neighbor's been bragging about his musical parrot for years.
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Have you ever tried reading a news article online and, halfway through, they hit you with a subscription pop-up? I just wanted to know what happened to the talking dog in the neighborhood, not sign up for a dissertation on canine linguistics.
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Journalists have this incredible ability to turn a simple statement into a headline that makes you question your entire existence. "Local Man Eats Sandwich: Is This the End of Healthy Diets?" I'm just over here thinking, "Well, if it is, pass me the mayo!
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You ever notice how journalists can make any story sound urgent? I saw a headline the other day that said, "Breaking News: Local Grandma Learns to Knit." I was expecting a SWAT team to burst into her living room, but no, it was just a slow news day.
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Journalists love to tease you with a headline and then bury the actual information in the last paragraph. "Aliens Land on Earth, but First, Let's Discuss the History of UFO Sightings." I just want to know if they like pizza or not!
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Have you noticed how journalists always have those dramatic reenactments in their news segments? Like, "Here's what happened," as they hire actors to portray people crossing the street. I didn't realize jaywalking was such a cinematic event.
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I appreciate journalists trying to keep us informed, but they act like they're breaking top-secret codes. "Sources say...," "Insiders reveal..." I bet half the time those sources are just someone's chatty grandma who knows everybody's business.
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