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James has this unique talent for ordering the one thing on the menu that the chef regrets putting there. I took him to a fancy restaurant, and he goes, "I'll have the octopus ice cream." The waiter just stared at him like, "Sir, we have standards.
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I was at James' place, and he's got like 27 remote controls on his coffee table. I asked him, "James, what's with all the remotes?" He goes, "Oh, this one's for the TV, this one's for the soundbar, this one's for the DVD player..." I'm like, "James, do you need a remote to find your remotes?
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Have you ever lent James something? Good luck getting it back. He's like a black hole for borrowed items. I gave him a pen once, and it's like it vanished into the abyss. Now every time I see James, I bring a spare pen, just in case it becomes his new interdimensional pet.
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James is the only person I know who uses social media like it's his personal diary. I mean, James, we don't need a daily update on what you had for breakfast. Unless it was a dinosaur omelette or something, then please share that masterpiece!
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James loves telling stories, but they always start with, "You won't believe what happened to me the other day." Spoiler alert: We believe it. It's usually something like forgetting where he parked or mistaking a potted plant for a person.
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You ever notice how James has a knack for finding the one squeaky chair in the room? It's like a superpower. You walk into a silent library, and there's James, innocently sitting down, announcing his presence to the entire building. James, you're not fooling anyone with that stealth mission.
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James is that guy who claims he's on a diet, but then you catch him sneaking into the kitchen at 2 AM, raiding the fridge like it's a secret mission. I swear, James, if calories had feelings, you'd be on trial for cruelty!
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James recently joined a gym, and he's so proud of it. But you know he's not serious when he posts more gym selfies than actual workout sessions. James, the only six-pack you're getting is from the beer aisle at the grocery store!
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James is that friend who's always late. You make plans at 7, and James strolls in at 8:30, acting like he just invented a new concept called "fashionably late." Dude, it's not a runway, it's Taco Tuesday!
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