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The Horror Movie Audience Member
Loving horror movies but hating the awkward moment when you scream louder than the characters.
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The worst part of watching a horror movie in the theater is when everyone collectively holds their breath, and I'm the only one who lets out a nervous fart. I call it the "fear release.
The Horror Movie Monster
As a monster, it's hard to be taken seriously when your greatest fear is accidentally scaring away your date.
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Monsters have feelings too. Last night, I scared a group of people, and one of them called me a monster. I was like, "Hey, that's our word. You can't just throw it around like that.
The Horror Movie Director
Trying to direct a horror movie with a cast that thinks they're in a romantic comedy.
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I tried to create a tense atmosphere on set, but the crew keeps playing pranks on each other. Nothing says horror like a boom mic dropping unexpectedly during a serious scene.
The Horror Movie Ghost
Being a ghost is great, but haunting people who can't see or hear me is a real drag.
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I thought haunting people would be more fun, but most of the time, I just end up rearranging their furniture. You'd be surprised how angry people get about a ghost's interior decorating choices.
The Horror Movie Survivor
Surviving a horror movie is tough, but it's even tougher explaining why I'm the only one who made it out alive.
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People ask me if I've ever been in a horror movie. I say, "No, but have you ever tried assembling IKEA furniture with vague instructions? It's a similar kind of terror.
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