17 Jokes For Historical

Puns

Updated on: Dec 27 2024

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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!
Why did the ancient Egyptians never tell secrets? Because they were afraid the mummies would hear!
What do you call an ancient Roman with a red mark on his cheek? Julius Sneezer!
What do you get when you cross a historical figure with a vegetable? Napoleon Broccoli!
How did the Stone Age start? With a lot of rubble!
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. What do you call a fake ancient artifact? A sham-shekel!

Epic Historical Facepalms

Ever read about those moments in history that make you just facepalm? Like when King Henry VIII went, I'm bored. Let's just create a whole new religion. It'll be fun! Yeah, way to entertain yourself, Henry!

The Historical Misadventures

You know, history is like a really bad roommate. It leaves a mess everywhere, makes a lot of noise, and when you try to confront it, it just pretends like nothing happened! I mean, have you read about some of the stuff our ancestors got up to? It's like they were playing a real-life game of Who Can Mess Up More?

Historical Social Media Drama

Imagine if historical figures had access to social media. Julius Caesar tweeting, Beware the Ides of March, lol #StabbyStabby. Imagine the drama! And Cleopatra on Instagram posting her daily Asp Selfie for the drama effect!

When Historical Facts Get Sketchy

History books are like Wikipedia articles written by your grandpa's friend - full of questionable information! I mean, who fact-checks those things? Next thing you know, they'll tell us that dinosaurs invented the wheel!

Historical Procrastination

You think you're bad at procrastinating? Try being the architect behind the Great Wall of China. I can imagine them saying, We'll finish it next year. Oh wait, we already said that last year. Let's make it a 2000-year project!

Historical Relics and Awkwardness

Visiting a museum feels like attending a super awkward family reunion. You're standing there staring at ancient artifacts, and you can almost hear them whispering, Why are they staring? Act natural, guys! Talk about historical pressure!

Historical Figures Unleashed

Let's talk about famous historical figures. You know how we glorify them? I bet if they were alive today, they’d be so confused! Imagine George Washington seeing his face on dollar bills and being like, Wait, what? Who allowed this? Do I get royalties at least?

The Great Historical Mysteries

You ever wonder about those mysteries from the past? Like, why did the Mayans suddenly decide, You know what? No more calendar updates after 2012. Let them figure it out! That's the ultimate cliffhanger, folks!

Time-Traveling Fails

Ever thought about time travel? Yeah, I did too until I realized that if I went back in time, I'd probably accidentally step on a butterfly and suddenly I'm responsible for the invention of disco in the 1700s. I'll pass, thank you.

When Cavemen Were Trendsetters

Have you ever noticed how some fashion trends just circle back? I mean, look at those cavemen. They were the original trendsetters - rocking the 'no-shirt, animal-skin loincloth' look. And here we are thinking we've reinvented the wheel with our ripped jeans!

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