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New Year's resolutions are like elevator buttons – we all press them, but deep down, we know they don't really do anything. "This year, I'm going to be more productive!" presses resolution button Nothing happens.
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You know it's a new year when your gym is suddenly packed with people determined to stick to their resolutions. It's like a zoo in there! I went in, and it felt like I was trying to navigate through a forest of sweaty resolutions. I was just looking for the treadmill, not trying to decode a fitness treasure map.
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I love how people decide to start a diet on January 1st, like the universe has a switch that suddenly turns all the junk food into kale salads. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. I checked.
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New Year's resolutions are like my closet – full of good intentions, but ultimately, nothing really changes. I told myself I'd finally organize my life this year, but here I am, still trying to find matching socks.
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You ever notice how gyms offer amazing deals in January? It's like they know we're going to give up on our resolutions, so they're just trying to get as many sign-ups as possible. It's the fitness equivalent of a New Year's clearance sale.
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You know it's the beginning of the year when you accidentally write the previous year on your checks. It's like, "Oops, did I just time-travel back to 2015, or is my pen just feeling a bit nostalgic?
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New year, new me – that's what people say, right? But let's be honest, by the second week of January, we're all just the same old us, but with a few extra pounds from all the failed attempts at kale smoothies.
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New Year's resolutions are like the Kardashians – everyone talks about them, but nobody really knows if they're making any progress. I asked my friend about his resolutions, and he said, "I'm cutting out carbs." I saw him the next day eating a sandwich. I guess bread is a gateway carb.
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There's something magical about the countdown to midnight on New Year's Eve. It's the only time when yelling numbers in public isn't considered weird. Try doing that in a grocery store, and security will escort you out.
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New Year's Eve is the only night where people are willing to stand in the freezing cold for hours, just to watch a giant ball drop. If I suggested that on any other night, people would think I'm crazy. "Hey, wanna stand outside and stare at a lit-up ball?" "Uh, no thanks, I'm good.
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