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You know, they always say you should get rid of bad habits to live a healthier life. So, I decided to kick a bad habit – procrastination. I thought, "I'll start tomorrow." But seriously, trying to get rid of a bad habit is like trying to break up with your own hand – it's always there, and it's not going down without a fight. I read self-help books that said things like, "Visualize success!" So, I sat there visualizing myself being productive, and you know what happened? I ended up visualizing a nap. I guess my subconscious has different priorities.
And don't even get me started on trying to quit junk food. They say, "Just get rid of it from your pantry." So, I did. I threw out all the junk food. And then I found myself in the grocery store, buying it all back. It's like my stomach has a sixth sense for finding snacks.
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Breaking up is hard, but they say it's healthy to get rid of your ex's stuff, right? So, I gathered all the things my ex left at my place. I packed it up in a box and thought, "This is it, the final goodbye." But then I couldn't bring myself to actually get rid of it. It's like I'm running a lost and found for failed relationships. And what's with the advice to delete your ex's number? I deleted it, but I still remember it by heart. It's like my brain has a backup system for heartbreak. And in a weak moment, I find myself typing those digits, thinking, "I'll just check how they're doing on social media." Next thing I know, I'm knee-deep in their vacation photos regretting my life choices.
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You ever notice how getting rid of stuff is supposed to make your life better? Like, clutter is the enemy, right? So, I decided to declutter my life, you know, get rid of things I don't need. So, I started with my closet. I'm standing there, holding up a pair of jeans from the '90s, thinking, "Why did I think I'd ever fit into these again?" But getting rid of stuff is never as easy as it sounds. You always go through this internal struggle, like, "But what if one day I need that random kitchen gadget that only has one purpose?" And don't even get me started on sentimental items. I found a ticket stub from a concert I went to ten years ago, and suddenly I'm on a nostalgia trip. So much for decluttering.
I tried to Marie Kondo my place, but every time I held an item and asked if it sparked joy, it was more like, "Eh, maybe a little joy... but mostly guilt for never using it." So, my apartment is still a mess, but at least now I'm emotionally attached to the mess.
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You ever wish you could just get rid of responsibilities? Like, adulting is hard. They say you can't run away from your problems, but what if I just speed-walk away? Responsibilities are like that annoying friend who won't stop calling, and you're like, "Can I just ghost my to-do list?" I tried outsourcing my responsibilities, you know, delegating tasks. But it turns out, nobody wants to do my laundry or pay my bills for me. Shocking, right? I thought there'd be a line of volunteers.
And what's with the phrase "adulting"? Like, "Ugh, I adulted so hard today." Can we just get rid of that word? It makes it sound like we're all faking it, just trying not to screw up too much. Maybe if we stop calling it "adulting," I'll feel less pressure to have my life together.
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