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The Beach Lifeguard
Trying to save face after tripping in flip-flops
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Lifeguard tip: Never trust someone who can run in flip-flops. They're either a superhero or a really bad decision-maker. I'm the latter. I once tried to run to save a drowning sandwich, and let's just say my heroic moment flopped.
The Gardener
Dealing with a garden party where everyone's wearing flip-flops
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I tried to impress my gardening friends by wearing the fanciest pair of flip-flops I could find. They had flowers on them and everything. Turns out, my friends are traditionalists. They said, "Nice try, but real gardeners wear Crocs." I guess I'm not blooming in the fashion department.
The Podiatrist
Patients insisting that flip-flops are the solution to all foot problems
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Flip-flops are the only footwear that has a love-hate relationship with podiatrists. On one hand, they keep us in business. On the other hand, they keep us in business. It's a foot paradox, like a yin and yang made of arch support and regret.
The Shoe Salesman
Trying to sell a pair of flops
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I had this customer who insisted on a discount because he claimed our flip-flops were defective. I asked him what was wrong, and he said they didn't make him look cool. I told him, "Sir, even the coolest shoes can't fix that.
The Stand-Up Comedian
Trying to make flip-flops funny without flopping on stage
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People who wear flip-flops in the winter are the same people who tell you their favorite season is "football season." It's like, sure, but have you tried not freezing your toes off while watching the game? It's a revolutionary concept called socks.
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