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Why do we have so many flavored medicines now? I remember the days when medicine just tasted like regret and despair. Now they're like, "Try our new bubblegum-flavored cough syrup." Because nothing says 'health' like a sticky, pink goo.
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I bought scented candles the other day. The scent was "freshly baked cookies." It's like my house smells like a bakery, but all I did was burn a candle. My guests are in for a sweet disappointment.
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Why do we need flavored envelopes? I mean, what's next, flavored stamps? "Oh, I love the taste of this cherry stamp on my bills. It almost makes me forget I'm paying them.
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You ever notice how everything nowadays is flavored? I mean, even dental floss comes in flavors. Who's sitting there thinking, "You know what would make flossing better? Minty fresh gums.
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Flavored toothpaste is a thing. I tried bacon-flavored toothpaste once. I felt like I was brushing my teeth with the remains of a breakfast sandwich. Minty freshness, people, let's stick with minty freshness.
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I saw a sign for flavored oxygen at the gym. Flavored oxygen! Because nothing says 'fitness' like inhaling the essence of strawberries while on the treadmill. I guess it's for those who want their workout to have a fruity aftertaste.
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I was at the grocery store the other day, and I saw flavored water with no calories. I thought, "Isn't that just water?" I mean, if I wanted a tasteless beverage with no calories, I'd just drink my own disappointment.
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They've got flavored condoms now. I mean, really? Are we trying to turn every aspect of life into a tasting menu? "Tonight, I'll have the strawberry sensation, please.
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I saw a sign for "naturally flavored" snacks. I thought, "What does that even mean?" Is there a little old lady in the back garden, individually whispering to each potato chip, "You're now a barbecue chip, congrats"?
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