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You guys ever heard of Estonians? I mean, come on, they're like the enigma of Europe. You know, you think you know something, and then Estonia comes along and goes, "Hold my vodka, you have no idea." I tried to learn about Estonians, and the more I read, the more mysterious it gets. They have this incredible digital society, but good luck trying to understand their language. It's like they're speaking in encrypted code. I asked a friend, "What's 'Tere' mean?" They said, "It's just 'hello' in Estonian." I'm like, "Sure, if you say so, NSA agent listening to my phone."
I imagine Estonians have secret meetings where they discuss how to confuse the rest of the world. "Okay, today, we change the word for 'computer' to 'kumquat,' and nobody tells the outsiders. Let them struggle.
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So, I heard Estonia has a unique way of dealing with their weather. I mean, it gets cold there, right? But apparently, that's not a problem for them. They just embrace it. I bet when an Estonian sees a snowstorm, they're like, "Finally, the perfect weather for a barbecue!" I tried to imagine how they give weather reports. "Today, it's minus 20 degrees, so wear a light jacket." And they have words for types of snow that we can't even comprehend. "We're expecting a light dusting of 'Lumekill' followed by a chance of 'Tuisu.' Bring your snowshoes and a good dictionary."
I bet they have a saying there, "There's no such thing as bad weather, just bad fashion choices." I mean, it's so cold, they probably wear sauna suits under their regular clothes.
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Have you ever been to an Estonian party? No? That's probably because you weren't invited. Estonians are like, "Why have a big party when you can have a small gathering of close friends and pretend to enjoy each other's company?" Their parties are probably so quiet; you can hear an introvert think. I bet the music is just a Spotify playlist titled "Sounds of Silence."
And the food? Forget about it. Estonian cuisine is an acquired taste. I tried their traditional dish, and I swear, it's like they took every ingredient in the kitchen and said, "Let's put this in a pot and see what happens." It's not a meal; it's a culinary experiment.
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Let's talk about Estonian names. Have you seen them? It's like someone played Scrabble and said, "This is my child's name now." I tried to pronounce an Estonian name once. It felt like I was summoning a demon. I was like, "Is this a name or an incantation? Am I about to get a Hogwarts acceptance letter?"
I bet Estonians have a secret handshake just to pronounce their names correctly. You meet an Estonian, and they're like, "It's easy, just say 'Jüri' like you're gargling water while standing on one leg. Nailed it!
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