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You ever notice how everything these days is about enlargement? It's like society collectively decided that bigger is always better. I mean, I get it, size matters, but can we just calm down for a second? I recently bought a TV, and the guy at the store was like, "Sir, you've got to go big, go for the largest screen you can afford!" So, I bought this monstrous TV that practically takes up my entire living room. Now, every time I watch a movie, it feels like I'm sitting in the front row of a cinema. I miss my old cozy TV that fit in the corner without demanding its own ZIP code.
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Have you noticed how our culture is obsessed with enlargement? They've got pills that claim to enlarge everything from your muscles to, well, you know. I saw an ad the other day for "enlargement gum." I mean, seriously? Who wants to chew their way to greatness? I tried it once, and now I've got the jaw strength of a professional wrestler, but my breath could knock out a rhino. I guess that's the price you pay for wanting to be larger than life.
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It seems like everyone is on a quest for enlargement these days. I went to a coffee shop, and they asked if I wanted to "enlarge" my drink for just a dollar more. I thought, "Sure, why not?" Next thing I know, I'm holding a coffee mug that's bigger than my head. I felt like I was on an episode of 'Honey, I Enlarged the Beverage!' I can't finish that thing even if I had a team of professional coffee drinkers helping me out.
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You know what they say, be careful what you wish for. I decided to try out this "enlargement diet" everyone's talking about. They promised I'd become a giant among men. Well, I did grow taller, but now I have to duck under door frames, and finding clothes that fit is like searching for a needle in a haystack. I mean, I asked for enlargement, not a role in a low-budget giant movie. I guess I'll just have to embrace the fact that being larger than life might mean a few bumps on the head along the way.
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