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You ever notice there's no etiquette when it comes to emotional support animals? People act like they're walking into a therapy session on the subway. I saw a guy with a support parrot, and it starts squawking like crazy. I'm thinking, "Is this therapy or an episode of Animal Planet?" And what about allergies? If someone's emotional support animal sheds, you're just supposed to deal with it. "Oh, you're allergic to cats? Well, meet my emotional support Persian cat named Fluffy." Sorry, Fluffy, but my runny nose and itchy eyes aren't very emotionally supportive right now.
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I've heard of emotional support animals causing drama, but this takes the cake. A friend of mine has an emotional support skunk. Yeah, a skunk! He says it helps him deal with life's stinky situations. I told him, "Man, that's great until you bring it to a restaurant, and everyone thinks the sewage system backed up." And what about emotional support fish? How do you even know if your fish is supporting you emotionally? It's not like it can give you a comforting hug or share a deep conversation. "Hey, Goldie, I had a rough day. Got any advice?"
Bubbles
. Thanks, Goldie, that really helps.
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So, I heard that now you can pretty much register any animal as an emotional support animal. It's like getting a VIP pass to the animal kingdom. I'm waiting for someone to show up with an emotional support tarantula or a therapy anaconda. Imagine going to a pet store for your emotional support animal. "I'll take the hamster, the parrot, and that guppy over there. Oh, and throw in the python for when I'm feeling adventurous!"
And don't even get me started on the emotional support peacock. I mean, who needs a bird that looks like it's constantly auditioning for a Broadway show just to cope with daily life? "Hey, buddy, calm down. We're just going to the grocery store, not opening on Broadway!
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You know, I recently flew on one of those airlines that allow emotional support animals. Yeah, apparently, people need their emotional support peacocks and therapy chinchillas. I get it, life is tough, but do we really need a barnyard on a plane? I'm sitting there, and this guy walks in with a full-size emotional support ostrich. I thought I accidentally stumbled into a wildlife sanctuary. The flight attendant looked at me and said, "Sir, do you need emotional support?" I'm like, "Yes, from the ostrich deciding if it wants the chicken or the beef for dinner!"
I mean, what if your emotional support animal has a fear of flying? How does that work? You're both clutching onto each other during turbulence, praying the therapy goldfish doesn't have a panic attack.
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