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Have you ever found yourself stuck in a never-ending loop of deliberation over decisions? It's like your brain turns into a malfunctioning magic eight ball, constantly shaking but never giving a clear answer. I recently spent an entire day deciding whether to buy a smart toaster. Yes, a toaster with Wi-Fi. My current toaster doesn't even have a "bagel" setting, but suddenly I'm contemplating whether I need a toaster that can send me notifications when my bread is perfectly toasted. Because nothing says "smart" like a kitchen appliance judging your bread choices.
And then there's the existential deliberation over career choices. "Should I pursue my passion or stick with a stable job?" It's like choosing between happiness and financial security, and the more you deliberate, the more confused you become. It's a real-life game of "Choose Your Own Adventure," but every path leads to an overpriced cup of coffee and a midlife crisis.
Maybe we should embrace the chaos and make decisions like we did when we were kids – with a game of rock, paper, scissors. It worked for choosing who goes first in games; why not for life-altering decisions? "Should I propose?"
Rock, paper, scissors.
"Well, looks like it's time to get down on one knee!
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You ever notice how everything these days requires so much deliberation? I mean, back in the day, you'd just go to a restaurant, look at the menu, and order a burger without feeling like you're making a life-altering decision. Now, it's like a culinary minefield! Waiters are practically interrogating you. "Sir, would you like the organic, gluten-free, non-GMO, grass-fed, artisanal beef, or are you feeling adventurous with the vegan, quinoa-based patty?" I'm like, "Can I just have a sandwich without an existential crisis on the side?"
And don't get me started on online shopping. The other day, I spent an hour deliberating between two identical pairs of socks. They were both black! I'm standing there thinking, "Will this choice define who I am as a person? Am I a crew sock kind of guy, or do I dare venture into the realm of ankle socks?"
I miss the days when decisions were easy, like choosing between Pepsi and Coke. Now it's like choosing a streaming service – each one trying to convince you that they have the secret formula for happiness. "Netflix has gripping dramas, Hulu has exclusive content, Disney+ has your childhood memories held hostage!"
Maybe we should have a national "No Deliberation Day" where we all just go with the first choice that comes to mind. Imagine the chaos! "Sir, would you like fries with that?" "Yes!" "But you ordered a salad." "I know, but I decided, no deliberation today, bring on the fries!
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You ever find yourself stuck in a group of friends trying to decide on something? It's like a real-life episode of Survivor, but instead of winning a million dollars, you just want to figure out where to eat. There's always that one person who suggests something totally obscure, like an underground speakeasy that only serves vegan tapas. And then the deliberation begins. "I'm not sure about vegan tapas; I was thinking more along the lines of pizza." "But we had pizza last time!" And suddenly, you're knee-deep in a deliberation pit.
The worst part is when someone suggests, "Let's take a vote." It starts off civil, but it quickly turns into a political debate. "I vote for pizza." "Well, I'm gluten-free, so I vote for the vegan tapas." And before you know it, friendships are on the line, and the fate of dinner hangs in the balance.
I propose a new rule – the "Five-Minute Deliberation Limit." If we can't decide on something within five minutes, we resort to a coin toss. It's not perfect, but it's better than spending an entire evening in deliberation limbo.
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Dating nowadays is like a never-ending deliberation session. Remember when you could just walk up to someone and say, "Hey, you're cute. Let's grab a coffee." Now, it's like preparing for a diplomatic summit. First, you have to decode their texts like you're trying to crack the Enigma code. "They used three emojis – what does that mean? Are they flirting or just really excited about tacos?"
And then there's the whole profile picture deliberation. Is it recent? Do they really love hiking, or was that just a one-time thing for the gram? I once dated someone who had a picture with a tiger, and I spent the entire relationship wondering if I should be jealous of a big cat.
And let's not forget about the moment of truth – meeting the parents. It's like a job interview where the only acceptable answers are "I love your daughter/son" and "Yes, I've tried your casserole, and it's amazing." It's not a family dinner; it's a deliberation on whether you're worthy of being part of the clan.
I say we bring back simpler times. No more swiping left or right – just a good old game of spin the bottle. It might not be efficient, but at least it's a lot more fun!
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