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Greed is another one of those deadly sins. They say it's the desire for excessive wealth. But have you seen the prices of avocado toast these days? I mean, forget the American dream; I just want to afford brunch without taking out a second mortgage. I tried living a minimalist lifestyle once. It lasted about as long as a chocolate bar in my house. I'm convinced minimalism was invented by someone who couldn't find their stuff in a cluttered room.
And let's talk about the lottery. The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math. I play it, though. Every time the jackpot gets big, I start planning my life as if I've already won. Turns out, "What would I do if I won the lottery?" is not a solid financial plan.
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Anger management classes are a thing, right? They say wrath is a deadly sin. I've got to tell you, my anger management class was an eye-opener. They told me to count to ten when I'm mad. So, now I've become a human calculator. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I'm like, "One, two, three, four..." By the time I reach ten, I've also calculated the probability of them having a valid reason to be in such a hurry. But seriously, wrath can be tricky. Sometimes, I'll be in an argument, and my inner monologue is like, "You should remain calm and collected." Meanwhile, my face is negotiating a peace treaty with my fist. It's like my emotions have their own United Nations, and they're terrible at diplomacy.
I tried using anger as a motivational tool once. I thought if I got mad enough at my alarm clock, I'd wake up early. Spoiler alert: I just broke the snooze button.
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You know, they say sloth is one of the deadly sins. But let me tell you, sometimes being lazy is a survival strategy. I mean, have you ever tried to outrun your responsibilities? It's like a marathon, and I'm the Usain Bolt of avoiding chores. My to-do list looks at me, and I'm like, "Catch me if you can!" I tried explaining this to my doctor. He said, "Exercise is crucial for a healthy lifestyle." I told him, "Doc, my idea of exercise is bending over to pick up the TV remote I dropped." He wasn't impressed. I guess he's never experienced the heart-pounding adrenaline rush of almost missing the season finale of your favorite show.
But seriously, sloth gets a bad rap. It's not about being lazy; it's about energy conservation. I'm an environmentalist, really. I'm just saving my energy for the important things in life, like deciding what to watch on Netflix.
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Envy, the green-eyed monster. Social media is the breeding ground for envy. You see people posting pictures of their vacations, and you're sitting there thinking, "I just had a great weekend... in my living room... with my cat." But I've got a solution: post pictures of your mundane life with extravagant captions. "Just conquered Mt. Laundry, now relaxing on the summit of Couch Mountain." And envy isn't just limited to possessions. Ever envy someone's talent? I envy those people who can fold a fitted sheet perfectly. I try, and it ends up looking like I let a raccoon do my laundry.
But seriously, envy can be motivational. It's like the universe's way of saying, "Get off your butt and do something." So, if you see me eyeing your success, just know it's not envy; it's inspiration in disguise.
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