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You ever notice how there's always that one coworker who brings in homemade snacks to share with the office? Like, Gary, we appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don't think anyone signed up for a surprise biology lesson with your experimental kombucha muffins. I'm pretty sure my stomach is now a microbial ecosystem.
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Ever notice how the office thermostat is like a battleground? It's either too hot or too cold, and there's always that one person who brings in a personal space heater that could probably power a small village. Karen, I get it, you're cold, but the rest of us don't need to feel like we're working in a tropical rainforest.
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Why is it that the office printer only jams when you're in a hurry? It's like the printer has developed a sixth sense for detecting deadlines. You hit print, and suddenly it's making more strange noises than my grandma's old car. Maybe it's time to replace the printer or send it to therapy for its stress issues.
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You know you've been working with the same people for too long when you can predict their coffee preferences better than their own mothers. Susan likes a double-shot espresso with a hint of regret, and Dave's idea of a perfect cup is basically just a caffeinated milkshake. I'm starting to think we should add barista to our job descriptions.
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Coordinating a meeting time at the office feels like trying to schedule a summit between world leaders. You suggest a time, and everyone responds with, "I have a dentist appointment," or "I can't, it's my cat's birthday." It's a wonder we ever manage to get any work done with our calendars playing hard to get.
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You know you're too invested in office drama when the highlight of your day is finding out who stole Janet's yogurt from the fridge. It's like a soap opera, complete with the dramatic reveal in the breakroom, where Janet confronts the unsuspecting yogurt thief. Cue the gasps and suspenseful music.
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We all have that coworker who treats the office kitchen like their own personal Iron Chef competition. I walked in the other day, and Mark was flambeing something at the microwave like he was auditioning for a cooking show. I just wanted to heat up my leftovers, not witness a culinary masterpiece.
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There's always that one coworker who takes the concept of "casual Friday" to a whole new level. I'm talking about Steve, who shows up looking like he just rolled out of bed and accidentally stumbled into the office. Dude, this is a professional setting, not a sleepover. Get it together, Steve!
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Can we talk about the mystery of the communal fridge? Every week, it's like a game of "Find the Missing Lunch." I'm convinced there's a black hole in there somewhere, swallowing up Tupperware containers and leaving behind a sad note that says, "Sorry, my sandwich had to explore new culinary horizons.
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We all have that coworker who insists on replying to every email with the most dramatic punctuation. You ask them if they have a stapler, and suddenly, it's "Sure! I'll check in the supply room for you!!!" Are you excited about office supplies, or are you just secretly auditioning for a role in a Shakespearean play?
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