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Joke Types
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Why don't contractors ever play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they leave a blueprint behind!
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Why did the contractor start a band? He heard they needed a good foundation!
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Why did the contractor become a stand-up comedian? Because he knew how to nail a punchline!
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Why did the contractor bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
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What do you call a contractor who specializes in demolition? A de-constructor!
The Contractor Chronicles
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You ever hire a contractor? It's like signing up for a crash course in patience. You think they're coming at 9 am, but it's more like contractor time, which is a mysterious dimension where 9 am means sometime between sunrise and the next solar eclipse.
Contractor Clues
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Working with a contractor is like solving a mystery. Will they show up? Will they have the right tools? It's like playing detective, but instead of a magnifying glass, you're armed with a list of unreturned calls and unanswered texts.
Contractor Math
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I love how contractors give you an estimate. It's like they're using some secret mathematical equation that involves adding a pinch of optimism, subtracting reliability, and multiplying by the square root of I hope this works out.
DIY vs. Contractor
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I tried the whole DIY thing once, you know, be my own contractor. Turns out, I'm better at building stress than building shelves. My wife said the only thing I constructed successfully was an argument.
The Ghost of Contractors Past
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My contractor's so elusive; I'm convinced he's a ghost. Every time I call, it's like summoning a spirit from another dimension. I half-expect him to appear in a cloud of sawdust, saying, I'm here to haunt your renovation dreams.
Contractor Zen
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I'm trying this new relaxation technique where I imagine my contractor finishing the job on time. It's called contractor zen. Spoiler alert: it's as effective as meditating in a construction zone.
Mission Impossible: Contractor Edition
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I asked my contractor if he could finish the job in a week. He said, Mission impossible. I thought we were talking about fixing the kitchen, not infiltrating a high-security vault.
Contractor Diplomacy
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Negotiating with a contractor is like trying to broker world peace. There are promises, handshakes, and a lot of uncertainty. I'm pretty sure they attend a special seminar on vague commitments.
Contractor Wisdom
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My contractor told me, Measure twice, cut once. I guess he forgot to mention the part about double-checking the calendar because measuring time seems to be his Achilles' tape measure.
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