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You know you're adulting when you get excited about new kitchen gadgets. I recently bought a blue toaster. It's like a mini celebration every morning – "Congratulations, you're adulting today. Here's your toast, and don't forget to pay those bills!
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Why is it that when you try to paint a room blue, it always ends up looking like the color of regret? I wanted a serene, calming atmosphere, but I got a room that screams, "Remember that questionable life decision? This is its color.
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You ever try to fold a fitted sheet? It's like wrestling an octopus. I attempted it the other day, and by the end, the sheet won, and I was left feeling like a defeated contestant on a reality show called "Laundry Wars: Fitted Sheet Edition.
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Ever notice how everyone becomes a weather expert when they see a hint of rain on the horizon? "I think it's going to rain." Really? Because my phone just told me it's raining, Karen. Your superpower is not needed here.
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Have you ever noticed that "feeling blue" is the one emotion that gets a color association? I mean, what about feeling green or yellow? Is there a whole emotional color palette we're missing out on? Maybe next time I'm annoyed, I'll just say I'm feeling chartreuse.
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I recently bought a blue light filter for my computer to save my eyes. Now, I feel like I'm working inside a smurf's Instagram filter. My screen's so warm; I half-expect Papa Smurf to pop up and ask for tech support.
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Let's talk about salads. Why is it that when you order a salad at a restaurant, it's like they're playing hide-and-seek with the blue cheese crumbles? It's the lettuce's version of a surprise party. "Oh, you thought this was just greens? Surprise! Blue cheese bomb!
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You ever notice how jeans are the real MVPs of the wardrobe? I mean, they're like the denim superheroes. But you ever try to find that perfect shade of blue? It's like going on a quest for the holy grail, except the grail is more of a distressed, medium-wash blue.
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You ever accidentally hit the Bluetooth speaker in your car and suddenly your personal playlist starts playing at full blast? Yeah, the other day, I was cruising, feeling like a rockstar, and then my guilty pleasure song came on – "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65. Nothing like a spontaneous sing-along with the windows down.
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I recently tried to redecorate my living room. Went to the store and got lost in the world of paint swatches. Who knew there were so many shades of blue? I asked the clerk, "Do you have something that says, 'I'm sophisticated, but also binge-watch sitcoms'?" They handed me a paint called "Sofa-Surfing Sapphire." Nailed it.
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