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Overworked Parent
Attempting to give a heartfelt birthday speech after a hectic day
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I thought about hiring a mariachi band for my kid's birthday, but then I realized they would probably play more in tune than my attempts at singing "Happy Birthday." My singing is so bad, the neighbors once called the police thinking I was being attacked by a wild animal.
Unimpressed Teenager
Enduring a long and cheesy birthday speech
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My friend's mom tried to be cool and relate to us in her speech. She said, "Life is like Wi-Fi. It may not always have a signal, but it's worth connecting to." I'm pretty sure life is more like a slow-loading webpage than Wi-Fi.
Clueless Teenager
Navigating the awkwardness of giving a birthday speech
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My friends told me to express my feelings, so I stood up and said, "You know, birthdays are like... the annual DLC of life. You level up, but nothing really changes, and you still have to pay for the good stuff.
Uninterested Pet
Being present at a birthday party for a human
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The birthday kid got a new pet goldfish. I couldn't help but think, "Great, now there's competition for the title of the most uninterested creature in the room.
Overly Enthusiastic Grandparent
Trying to be hip at a grandchild's birthday
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I decided to give my grandchild a tech-savvy gift this year. I got them a VHS tape and said, "It's the latest in retro technology!" They looked at me like I handed them an ancient artifact. Kids these days don't appreciate the struggle of rewinding.
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