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Isn't it ironic that we sing the "Happy Birthday" song, but most people look thoroughly uncomfortable while being serenaded? It's like, "Yay, let's celebrate your life by making you squirm in front of a flaming dessert.
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The "birthday boy" sash and crown combo – because nothing says "special day" like wearing accessories that make you look like you accidentally wandered onto the set of a low-budget medieval film.
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The awkward moment when someone gives you a birthday card and you realize they misspelled your name. It's like, "Thanks for the thoughtful gesture, but who's 'Bradly'?" Maybe next year I'll celebrate the birth of my alter ego.
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Birthday candles are the only time we encourage someone to literally blow out fire. Imagine if we did that on other occasions: "Congratulations on your promotion, now blow out these sparklers!
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Why do we always ask someone if they feel older on their birthday? Like aging is some kind of instant process that kicks in the moment the clock strikes midnight. "You're 30 now, do you feel the arthritis setting in yet?
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Birthday presents are tricky. It's the only time where you have to act surprised and delighted even if you were secretly hoping for a different gift. "Oh wow, a toaster! I've always wanted a toaster for my birthday.
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Birthday cards are basically a way of saying, "I care about you, but not enough to remember your actual birth date without the help of this mass-produced piece of cardboard." Hallmark should just have a section labeled "Forgot Your Birthday Again.
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You know, I always find it funny how people treat the "birthday boy" like a king for the day. Like, suddenly, he's the monarch of the office or the party. I mean, I'd like to declare myself the "Tuesday Afternoon Champion" and see if I get the same level of attention.
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Birthdays are interesting. We celebrate the fact that someone managed to survive another year. It's like, "Congratulations, you didn't accidentally step on a banana peel and tumble into a pit of doom this time around. Here's a cake!
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