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Bill O'Reilly always looks like he's about to break into a Shakespearean monologue. I half-expect him to start a segment with, "To spin or not to spin, that is the question.
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I was watching Bill O'Reilly the other day, and he talks about the "War on Christmas." I didn't realize Christmas was so fragile. I mean, it survived being banned in the 17th century, but now it's threatened by a Starbucks cup?
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You ever notice how Bill O'Reilly's "Factor" was the only factor missing any math? It's like, "Tonight on the O'Reilly Unsubstantiated Opinion Factor...
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You ever notice how Bill O'Reilly's "No Spin Zone" is just a fancy term for his laundry room? I imagine his clothes are in there, spinning faster than his political opinions.
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I tried to imagine Bill O'Reilly hosting a game show. "The Spin is Right" – where the facts are made up, and the truth doesn't matter.
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You ever notice how Bill O'Reilly always seems one step away from challenging someone to a duel? "Sir, I challenge you to a duel of wits. But be warned, I'm only armed with a teleprompter.
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Bill O'Reilly's "Tip of the Day" should be renamed "How to Make Enemies in 60 Seconds." It's like he's giving advice on how to win friends and alienate everyone else.
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Watching Bill O'Reilly interview someone is like watching a lion interview a gazelle. You know one of them is not leaving the studio unscathed.
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Bill O'Reilly loves to remind us that he's "looking out for the folks." If by "folks," he means the ones who can afford a cable subscription.
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