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Why do British ghosts make terrible liars? You can see right through them!
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Why did the British cat sit on the computer? It wanted to keep an eye on the mouse.
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Why did the British computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes of emotional baggage.
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What did the British tea bag say to the hot water? 'You make me steep with joy!
Being British
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As a Brit, you're born with two main emotions: queuing and discussing the weather. If there's no line to stand in, we'll just stand outside and talk about the lack of rain.
Being British
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British people and their humor – it's like sarcasm and self-mockery had a baby and named it Dry Wit. We laugh at ourselves because, let's be honest, it's either that or cry about the weather.
Being British
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Brits have a unique way of expressing excitement. I'm absolutely chuffed! Translation: I'm moderately pleased, but I'll refrain from showing it too much.
Being British
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As a Brit, you learn the art of passive aggression early. Oh, you like sugar in your tea? No, please, drink it how you prefer. I'll just judge silently.
Being British
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Being British is a constant struggle between the desire for politeness and the urge to complain. I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but this queue is dreadfully long, isn't it?
Being British
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Being British means turning any situation into a competition of who can be the most self-deprecating. I'm probably the least interesting person you'll meet, but let's see if you can out-bore me.
Being British
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You ever notice how being British is like having a never-ending battle between drinking tea and pretending to like the taste of tea? Oh yes, this blend has hints of 'I'm not sure what I'm drinking, but it's terribly polite.'
Being British
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In Britain, we don't have small talk; we have weather updates. Lovely day today, isn't it? Translation: I acknowledge your presence without committing to a conversation.
Being British
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Being British means having an entire vocabulary just for different types of rain. Drizzle, downpour, shower, sprinkle – we're like meteorologists with umbrellas.
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