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Putting on a wet bathing suit is like trying to peel a banana without squishing it. It's a delicate operation that usually ends up with something getting bent out of shape.
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Wearing a two-piece bathing suit is a real test of confidence. It's like saying, "Hey world, here's my stomach. Take it or leave it." And by "take it," I mean accept that it's been generously covered in sunscreen.
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Buying a bathing suit is a lot like going on a blind date. You have high expectations based on the pictures, but when you finally meet, you realize there's a lot more coverage in the photos than in person.
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Have you ever noticed that no matter how cute a bathing suit looks on the mannequin, when you try it on, it's like it transforms into a completely different garment? Mannequins are just professional liars.
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Why do bathing suits have sizes like "small," "medium," and "large"? I need a size that's more descriptive, like "fits perfectly when dry but good luck getting it off when wet.
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Shopping for a bathing suit is the only time you'll willingly stand in front of a three-way mirror. It's like a cruel game of "Find the Body Part I Didn't Know Existed.
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Wearing a strapless bathing suit is a bit like playing Jenga. You spend the whole time adjusting and hoping everything stays in place, praying you don't accidentally pull the wrong piece.
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Why do they call it a "bathing suit"? I'm not exactly planning a synchronized swimming routine; I just want to avoid a sunburn and not scare small children at the pool.
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Ever notice how bathing suits are like relationships? At first, you're excited to show them off, but after a while, you start questioning your choices and wondering if you should have gone with something more practical.
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