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Have you ever tried to have a deep conversation in a bar? It's impossible. You're there, passionately discussing the meaning of life, and suddenly a group of people starts singing "Sweet Caroline" at the top of their lungs. And you're just there, contemplating the deeper meaning of Neil Diamond.
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The restroom in a bar is like a mysterious portal. You walk in, and suddenly you're in a different dimension with funky graffiti and questionable hygiene. It's like Narnia but with more hand dryers.
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Why is it that every bar has that one guy who thinks he's a mixologist? He's there, shaking and stirring like he's crafting the elixir of life. Dude, it's a gin and tonic, not a potion for eternal youth. Calm down.
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And finally, why is it that every bar has that one person who insists on starting a conversation with, "So, what's your sign?" It's like, "Bro, we're in a bar, not an astrology convention. I'm a 'Stop asking me weird questions' sign.
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Bars are the only place where it's perfectly acceptable to scream your order at someone. "I'll have a...WAIT, WHAT WAS THAT? YEAH, A MOJITO AND A BEER! THANKS!" It's like we're all temporarily turning into slightly drunk auctioneers.
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The concept of "happy hour" is interesting. It's like they're saying, "Hey, we know our drinks are overpriced the rest of the time, but for this one magical hour, we'll cut you a break and throw in a smile from the bartender for free!
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The bar snack menu is a work of art. It's like they took all the random things they had in the kitchen and said, "Let's deep-fry it and see if people will pay for it." I ordered the deep-fried pickles once, and now I have trust issues.
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Ordering a water at a bar is like committing a social taboo. The bartender looks at you like you just asked for a cup of unicorn tears. "Water? Are you sure? We've got this fancy new cocktail with a sparkler on top. No? Okay, here's your H2O, weirdo.
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You ever notice how the lighting in bars is specifically designed to make everyone look like a potential supermodel at a distance? I walked in and thought I stumbled into the runway for "Casual Chic Quarterly." But as soon as I got closer, I realized it was just the magic of dim lights and a well-placed smoke machine.
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