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I had a bad day at work, so I decided to take a nap. My boss caught me and asked, 'What are you doing?' I said, 'Improving my horizontal productivity.
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I'm not saying my boss is stupid, but when I asked him what 'deadline' means, he said, 'It's the finish line at the cemetery.
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I told my coworkers I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already!
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I asked my boss for a raise because I'm feeling undervalued. He agreed and gave me a raise... in my workload!
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I told my boss I needed a raise because I'm so good at math. He said, 'How do you figure?
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