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Have you ever seen a baby boomer take a selfie? It's like watching someone try to defuse a bomb. They hold the phone at arm's length, squinting at the screen, trying to figure out if they're in the frame. And then there's the classic duck face attempt – they pout their lips like they just tasted something sour. I'm like, "Grandma, you're not fooling anyone. The only thing you're ducking is the camera." And the selfie angles! They're either getting a shot from their nostrils, making them look like they're on an episode of "CSI: Senior Edition," or they're holding the camera so high that you can count their hair follicles. I suggested a selfie stick once, and they looked at me like I was trying to explain quantum physics. "What's wrong with using my arm?" they say. Well, for one, it's not long enough to capture your entire face, Barbara.
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Baby boomers have this unique way of giving you unsolicited advice, and they act like they're dropping pearls of wisdom. "You know, back in my day, we didn't need smartphones to communicate. We just talked to each other." Thanks, Karen, but we also didn't have Google Maps to save us from getting lost every five minutes. And by the way, talking to each other is still a thing – it's just that now it happens through texts, not carrier pigeons. And when it comes to family gatherings, baby boomers are the kings and queens of embarrassing stories. They'll bring up that time you got stuck in a tree as a kid or the time you walked into a glass door because you were too busy texting. They think it's endearing, but I'm just sitting there thinking, "Can we focus on the present, please? I have a reputation to uphold.
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You know, I was talking to a baby boomer the other day, and they were complaining about technology. They said, "Back in my day, we didn't have these fancy gadgets and gizmos." I said, "Yeah, but you also didn't have autocorrect saving you from embarrassing typos. I mean, I've sent messages that look like a drunk squirrel typed them, but thank goodness for autocorrect, or I'd be in some serious trouble." And don't even get me started on trying to explain social media to them. Baby boomers on Facebook are like lost tourists in a foreign country. They're posting on their own wall thinking it's a private message, and they're still trying to figure out what a meme is. I showed one a meme the other day, and they were like, "Is this some secret code language?" No, Brenda, it's just a cat playing the piano.
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You ever notice how baby boomers are obsessed with the Weather Channel? It's like their version of Netflix. They can sit there for hours, watching the forecast like it's the most riveting drama on television. They know the names of all the meteorologists, and they talk about them like they're family. "Jim Cantore says there's a storm coming. We better stock up on canned goods and board up the windows!" I'm like, "Grandpa, we live in a suburb, not a hurricane hotspot." And don't even think about changing the channel when they're in the middle of their weather marathon. I tried once, and my grandma gave me a death stare that could melt ice caps. "I need to know if it's going to rain on Thursday," she said. "Well, Granny, I can check my phone, and it'll tell me without a dramatic musical buildup.
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