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The Stand-Up Comedian
Navigating the comedy scene and dealing with diverse audience reactions.
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Comedy audiences are like relationships. Some nights they love you, some nights they're just not that into you, and occasionally they throw tomatoes. I prefer the laughter, but tomatoes add some variety.
The Weather Reporter
Trying to keep it interesting when it's always the same.
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Weather people use terms like "partly cloudy." I tried that in my life: "I'm not unemployed; I'm partly employed. I don't have a drinking problem; I'm just partly sober.
The Fish in an Aquarium
Dealing with constant observation and a limited living space.
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My friends are always telling me I have a "great view." Yeah, well, your "great view" is also my "small bowl." It's all about perspective, folks.
The Barista in a Trendy Coffee Shop
Balancing hipster demands and keeping up with the latest coffee trends.
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The other day, a customer asked for a coffee so strong it could wake the dead. I told them, "Sorry, we only serve the mildly drowsy here. You'll have to go to the zombie brew down the street.
The Astronaut
Feeling out of place on Earth after experiencing space.
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Astronauts spend months in isolation. Now, when I hear people complaining about being stuck at home for a week, I'm like, "Please, call me when you've spent a year with only freeze-dried ice cream for company.
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