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Joke Types
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Why did the scarecrow get promoted 'aside' from being outstanding in his field? He was outstanding in his 'job' too.
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Why did the coffee file a police report 'aside' from being mugged? It lost its 'mug-shot.
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Why did the comedian always keep a notebook 'aside' during meals? He wanted to jot down his 'side' dishes!
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Why did the pencil bring a notepad to the meeting? It wanted to take notes 'aside' from the usual sketchy business.
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Why did the math book look 'aside' from the usual problems? It was searching for its 'x' factor.
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Why did the bicycle fall over 'aside' from being two-tired? It was a bit 'un-balanced.
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Why did the tomato turn red 'aside' from being embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing.
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Why did the bicycle fall over 'aside' from being two-tired? It was a 'cycle'logical imbalance.
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I asked my computer to make me breakfast 'aside' from its regular tasks. It gave me a 'byte' of cereal.
Pet Peeves
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I have a pet peeve – it's when my pet pees on the carpet. I got a dog because I thought it would be a good workout partner. Little did I know, the only exercise I'd be getting is chasing it around the house with a mop. My dog has a black belt in avoiding potty training.
Family Photo Follies
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Taking a family photo is like herding cats. Everyone wants to be the center of attention, and Grandma insists on doing peace signs like she's in a '90s boy band. The photographer has the patience of a saint. I'm convinced family photos are just an elaborate plot to test our collective sanity.
The Perils of Online Shopping
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You ever notice how online shopping has become a game of Russian roulette? I ordered a pair of shoes, and when they arrived, they were three sizes too small. I felt like Cinderella's stepsister trying to squeeze into a glass slipper. But hey, at least my toes got to experience social distancing.
Fitness Fiascos
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I tried joining a gym, but the only six-pack I developed was from carrying groceries. The treadmill and I have a complicated relationship — it keeps trying to throw me off. I swear it's possessed. It's like the gym is determined to keep me on the before side of the transformation photos.
Coffee Shop Confessions
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I went to a hipster coffee shop, and the barista gave me a judgmental look when I ordered a regular coffee. Apparently, I committed a coffee faux pas. I wanted to tell her, Sorry, I didn't realize I needed a secret handshake to order a simple cup of joe. Is there a coffee-drinkers anonymous meeting I can attend?
Relationship GPS
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My girlfriend asked me to be more spontaneous. So, I bought a GPS with a Surprise Me feature. Turns out, the GPS has a twisted sense of humor. It took us to a goat farm for a romantic evening. Nothing says love like the sweet serenade of goats.
Lost in Translation
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I attempted to learn a new language using a language app. It turns out, the app wasn't as accurate as advertised. I confidently ordered a fancy dish at a restaurant, thinking I was fluent. The waiter gave me a puzzled look, and I ended up getting a plate of confusion with a side of embarrassment.
Office Drama
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Working in an office is like being in a real-life soap opera. One day, the printer decides to start a scandal by randomly printing my personal emails. It's like, Congratulations, your email just won the office drama award for Best Plot Twist. I never knew my lunch plans could be so riveting.
Tech Support Terrors
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I called tech support, and they put me on hold for so long that I almost finished binge-watching a series. When they finally answered, I asked, Do I still need your help, or should I just become a self-taught IT guru? They weren't amused. I guess they don't appreciate competition.
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