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The Lazy Homeowner
Putting up the artificial tree is more work than expected
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The tree came with lights pre-installed. Great, right? Except they didn't mention that if one bulb goes out, the whole thing becomes the visual representation of my life falling apart.
The Technophobe
Dealing with the "smart" features of an artificial Christmas tree
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The tree also has voice command. I told it to turn on the lights, and it responded, "Sorry, I can't do that, Dave." I didn't know I accidentally bought the HAL 9000 of Christmas trees.
The Environmentalist
Balancing the desire for a festive tree with eco-friendly values
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I heard there's a support group for people who feel guilty about their artificial trees. It's called "Plastic Pines Anonymous." The first step is admitting you have a problem, and the second step is unplugging your tree for a day.
The Confused Artificial Christmas Tree
Feeling out of place among the real trees in the forest
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I overheard my tree talking to a pinecone, saying, "You know, in my world, we don't shed needles. It's a commitment to cleanliness." The pinecone rolled its eyes – I didn't even know pinecones could do that.
The Overly Enthusiastic Artificial Christmas Tree Salesperson
Trying to convince a customer that fake trees are better than real ones
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The salesperson claimed the artificial tree is low maintenance. Low maintenance? I spent an hour assembling it, and now I have a PhD in plastic horticulture.
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