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Ari, my GPS, fancies itself a relationship expert. I'm driving along, and suddenly Ari chimes in with relationship advice. "In 1 mile, tell your significant other you love them. It's the little things that matter." Thanks, Ari, but I'll handle my love life on my own time. I can imagine Ari in a counseling session. "Turn left if you want to save your marriage. No pressure, though." I appreciate the concern, Ari, but maybe stick to directions and leave the therapy sessions to the professionals.
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You ever notice that Ari, my GPS, gets hungry at the most inconvenient times? It's like, "In 2 miles, make a U-turn and head to the nearest drive-thru. You know you want that midnight snack." I'm just trying to get home, Ari, not make a pit stop at the 24-hour fast-food joint. I'm half expecting Ari to start recommending restaurants. "In 3 miles, there's a place with great reviews. Just saying." I don't need a food critic; I need directions!
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You ever notice how GPS systems have names? Like, mine is Ari. Yeah, I named it. I figured if it's gonna give me directions, we might as well be on a first-name basis. But let me tell you, Ari and I, we're not always on the same page. The other day, Ari decided to take me on a scenic route. I'm thinking, "Okay, Ari, let's see what you've got in store for me." Next thing I know, I'm on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. I'm looking at Ari like, "Are you trying to get me lost, or are you just a nature enthusiast?" I swear, sometimes I think Ari has a sense of humor. It's like my GPS is a stand-up comedian, and I'm the punchline stuck in the middle of a cornfield.
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Can we talk about how passive-aggressive my GPS, Ari, can be? You miss a turn, and instead of saying, "Recalculating," Ari hits you with that disappointed silence. It's like having a judgmental passenger who's not even in the car. I missed a turn the other day, and Ari goes, "In 500 feet, turn right. Not that it matters." I'm like, "Come on, Ari, I already feel bad about it. You don't have to rub it in." I swear, if Ari could roll its virtual eyes, it would. It's the only GPS with a built-in attitude.
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