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Joke Types
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Virtual Comedy Woes
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I did a virtual comedy show the other day. It's a bit weird telling jokes to a screen. It's like a Zoom meeting, but instead of discussing work, I'm discussing why my cat thinks my punchlines are beneath him. It's not a quick laugh; it's a buffering chuckle.
The Perils of Parenting
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Parenting is tough. I asked my 5-year-old for a joke the other day, and he said, Why did the chicken cross the road? I said, I don't know, why did the chicken cross the road? He goes, To get away from your dad jokes. Ouch, kid, I was just looking for a quick laugh, not a roast.
Tech Troubles
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My phone's autocorrect is on a mission to ruin my stand-up career. I texted my friend, I'll be there in a quick laugh. Autocorrect changed it to a quick bath. Now my friend thinks I'm either weirdly obsessed with hygiene or planning a stand-up show from a bathtub.
Sleep Stand-up
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I tried doing stand-up in my sleep. Woke up to find my dream audience had all left, and my pillow was unimpressed. Apparently, even my subconscious thinks I need to work on my timing. A quick laugh in dreamland doesn't translate well to the waking world.
Calories Don't Count in Comedy
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I recently started a diet, and they say that laughing burns calories. Well, I've been doing stand-up for years, and let me tell you, if that were true, I'd be built like Thor by now. Instead, I'm built like I eat carbs for a living. But hey, at least I'm getting a quick laugh workout!
Fitness Follies
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I signed up for a fitness class, thinking it would be a good laugh. Turns out, I accidentally joined a boot camp. My idea of a quick laugh is not sweating so much that even my towel needs a towel.
The Laughter Express
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You know, they say laughter is the best medicine. But have you ever tried explaining that to a doctor? Doc, I've got a cold. And he goes, Have you considered stand-up comedy? I'm just here for a quick laugh, not a PhD in chuckleology.
Coffee Confessions
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I asked the barista for a coffee with a joke the other day. He gave me a latte with a smiley face in the foam. I said, This is great, but I asked for a joke. He looked at me and said, Sir, your coffee is the joke. I just wanted a quick laugh, not a roast brewed to perfection.
Dating vs. Stand-up
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Dating is a lot like doing stand-up. You've got to make a great first impression, keep the conversation flowing, and hope they don't heckle you. The only difference is, in stand-up, if someone heckles you, you can't swipe left. Well, you could, but it's called blocking, not dating.
Pet Peeves
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I got a pet parrot because I thought it would be cool to have a bird repeating my jokes. Turns out, he only repeats the punchlines that bombed. So now I've got a feathered heckler in my own house. Quick laughs turned into long conversations about how I need to step up my comedy game.
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