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The Groundskeeper
The struggles of maintaining the 50-yard line
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One day, a player complained, "Why is the 50-yard line so hard?" I said, "Buddy, it's artificial turf, not a Tempur-Pedic mattress. If you want a softer landing, join the ballet.
The Referee
Trying to enforce rules on the 50-yard line
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You know you're on the 50-yard line when players start bribing you with snacks. One guy handed me a bag of chips and said, "If you ignore the holding, there's more where that came from." I was like, "Nice try, but I prefer nachos over fairness.
The Spectator
Navigating the 50-yard line without the best view
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I took my grandma to a game, and we got seats on the 50-yard line. She turns to me and asks, "Is this a rerun of 'Matlock'?" I said, "No, Grandma, it's a football game." She replied, "Well, I can't see a darn thing. Why don't they play in a smaller courtroom?
The Sports Announcer
Keeping the excitement alive on the 50-yard line
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My co-announcer asked me, "How do you make the 50-yard line sound exciting?" I told him, "Easy. Pretend it's a runway at Fashion Week. The players are just showing off their latest touchdown dance moves. Work it, quarterback! That's a touchdown, and a perfect 10 from the judges!
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