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I love how we all pretend to be surprised when the microwave beeps, as if we didn't just stand there staring at the timer the entire time. "Oh wow, it's done! I had no idea!
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Why is it that when you're searching for something in the fridge, the thing you want is always hiding behind the milk? It's like playing hide and seek with your own leftovers – "Come out, come out, wherever you are!
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You ever notice that the most productive hour of your workday is the one right before lunch? Suddenly you're a superhero of efficiency, fueled by the promise of a sandwich.
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You ever notice how escalators become an Olympic sport when someone in front of you is walking at a snail's pace? Suddenly you're doing the escalator shuffle – a delicate dance of patience and passive-aggressiveness.
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Isn't it funny how we always buy more groceries than we can carry in one trip from the car to the kitchen? You end up doing this awkward grocery bag juggling act, hoping none of your neighbors are watching.
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You ever notice how the only time people seem to remember they have a neck is when they're trying to put on a really tight turtleneck? It's like, "Oh yeah, I do have this elongated support structure for my head. Forgot about that!
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Have you ever been so focused on scrolling through your phone that you miss your floor in an elevator? It's like, "Oh, look at this hilarious cat video!" Next thing you know, you're on the wrong floor, and the elevator door is closing like, "Well, that's your stop.
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I love how we trust shampoo bottles that claim to be "damage repair" as if the bottle is going to therapy for my split ends. "You can do it, shampoo, heal those damaged follicles!
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I find it amusing how we say "sleep like a baby" when, in reality, babies wake up every two hours crying. If I slept like a baby, my coworkers would probably file a noise complaint.
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