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Speaking of handshakes, have you noticed how they have to memorize the names and faces of so many people? I can barely remember my Wi-Fi password, and they're out there, remembering the names of foreign dignitaries like it's some kind of global game of Name That Tune.
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Presidents must have the most complicated job interviews. "Can you handle stress? Can you make decisions under pressure? Oh, and by the way, how are you with public speaking? We're thinking millions of people watching, no pressure.
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Have you ever noticed how every president becomes a fashion icon overnight? They wear a tan suit, and suddenly, it's the most talked-about thing on the internet. If I wore a tan suit, people would just ask if I spilled my coffee on myself.
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Presidents have that magical ability to make a simple handshake look like the most intense business negotiation ever. I shake hands with my friends, and it's all casual. If I ever become president, every handshake will be accompanied by a saxophone solo.
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Imagine being the president's neighbor. You're just trying to mow your lawn, and suddenly, a motorcade shows up, Secret Service agents start patrolling your bushes, and you're like, "Guess I'll mow the lawn later.
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Presidents have the power to pardon turkeys on Thanksgiving. That's their real superpower. Imagine having the ability to save a turkey from becoming someone's dinner. Meanwhile, I struggle to decide between mashed potatoes and stuffing.
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Have you ever noticed how every president ages like they just binge-watched a horror movie marathon? I mean, come on, the before-and-after pictures of their terms should come with a warning: "May cause premature graying and excessive tie-straightening.
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Presidents must have the ultimate therapist. I can imagine them lying on a couch, saying, "Well, today, Angela Merkel gave me this look, and I don't know if it's a 'let's grab lunch' look or a 'you forgot our anniversary' look.
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You know you're a president when your morning routine involves checking the weather in every country you're responsible for. Meanwhile, I struggle to decide whether I need an umbrella for the 10 feet between my front door and my car.
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