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My friend recently told me she wants a pony for her birthday. I said, "Sure, do you want it gift-wrapped or just tied up outside your door?" Because nothing says surprise like a pony waiting on your doorstep, right?
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I thought about getting a pony for exercise. You know, like a personal trainer that eats grass. But then I realized it would probably just stand there judging me while I struggle to put on my riding boots.
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They say you should never look a gift horse in the mouth, but what about a gift pony? I mean, I'd at least want to make sure it's not a secret unicorn in disguise. Imagine the disappointment when it turns out to be just a regular, non-magical pony. Talk about a letdown.
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You ever notice how kids have this magical ability to turn any regular backyard into a wild, untamed prairie where their pony can roam free? Forget the lawn mower, get ready for the miniature cowboy showdown.
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You ever notice how buying a gift for a child is like navigating a minefield? "Oh, they like ponies!" you think. So, you get them a cute little toy pony, and next thing you know, you're the bad guy because apparently, they wanted a real-life, neighing, hay-munching, lawn-destroying pony. Thanks, parents, for setting me up for that epic gift fail.
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Why do we always use the word "pony" to describe the smaller version of things? Like, "I'll have the pony-sized coffee, please." I'm still waiting for the day when I can order a pony-sized paycheck. That would be the real upgrade.
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I tried to impress my date once by taking her on a horseback riding adventure. But instead of the majestic stallion I envisioned, they handed me a pony. It's hard to be suave when you're perched on a pony looking like you're auditioning for the world's smallest cowboy role.
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Have you ever tried to ride a pony? It's like participating in a bizarre circus act. You're up there teetering on this miniature horse, feeling like a giant, while the pony gives you this look that says, "Why are you doing this to both of us?" It's the closest I'll ever get to being in a traveling circus, I guess.
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Have you ever played the game of Monopoly with kids? It's like entering the negotiation phase of the United Nations, except the currency is colorful pieces of paper, and everyone is arguing over who gets to be the pony token. Because, clearly, the pony is the key to world domination.
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