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They're quick to assure you that they'll edit any imperfections. But let's be honest, they could turn me into a Marvel superhero with all those editing tools, and I'd still find a way to blink in every single photo.
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Every photographer insists on using that black and white filter for at least one shot. I'm starting to think they have a secret mission to make us all look like we just stepped out of a classic movie. I didn't sign up for "Casablanca: The Family Reunion Edition.
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Finally, why do they always ask us to "say something funny"? I'm not a stand-up comedian; I'm just here for a family portrait! Next time, I'm bringing a joke book just to level the playing field. "Knock, knock. Who's there? The guy who finally got tired of awkward family photos.
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I love how they're armed with those giant cameras and lenses that could probably spy on the surface of Mars. Yet, when they need your attention, they resort to waving their hands like they're trying to land a plane. "Over here! I'm the one with the telescope, not the air traffic controller!
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Have you ever noticed that photographers always want us to "act natural"? I mean, what does that even mean? "Oh sure, let me just casually balance this watermelon on my head while sipping tea and reading Shakespeare.
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They always ask us to "interact naturally." Sure, because nothing says natural like standing in a row, pretending to laugh while gazing off into the distance. "Oh, this is how we always hang out – in perfectly synchronized poses.
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They're obsessed with finding the perfect lighting. I feel like I'm being cast for a Hollywood movie instead of a family photo. "Can we get the sunlight to hit my face at a 45-degree angle, please? I want to look like I'm on the cover of Vogue.
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And what's with the constant "Say cheese!" directive? Do they think we're all mice at a fancy restaurant? I'm waiting for the day they tell us to say something like, "Gouda!" or "Cheddar!
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They always say, "Be yourself, forget the camera is there." But the moment you start doing the robot dance, they give you that look like you just revealed a government secret. I thought you said be myself!
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