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People who like wine take tasting so seriously. They're like, "Swirl it, sniff it, sip it, don't chug it like a frat party!" I tried that once, and let me tell you, the only note I got was, "Are you sure this is wine?" Apparently, my tasting technique needs some refinement. I'm more of a 'bottoms up' kind of critic.
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Can we talk about the elaborate ritual of opening a bottle of wine? It's like a secret society handshake. You need a corkscrew, some finesse, and maybe a degree in ancient hieroglyphics to decipher the label. I swear, by the time I finally open the bottle, I've aged the wine another five years. It's like a workout – forget CrossFit; just open a bottle of wine.
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People who like wine are always talking about pairing it with the right food. I'm more of a "pair it with whatever's in my fridge" kind of person. But they make it sound so fancy, like, "Oh, this merlot pairs perfectly with a medium-rare filet mignon." Meanwhile, I'm at home like, "This boxed wine pairs perfectly with leftover pizza rolls.
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You ever notice how people who like wine suddenly become sommeliers in social situations? I mean, they take one sip and suddenly they're giving you this whole dissertation on the undertones, the aroma, the history of the grape, like they just downed a bottle of Wikipedia. I'm over here like, "Yeah, it's red, it's supposed to taste like grapes, right?
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