4 People Who Like Wine Jokes

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Sep 26 2024

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People who like wine take tasting so seriously. They're like, "Swirl it, sniff it, sip it, don't chug it like a frat party!" I tried that once, and let me tell you, the only note I got was, "Are you sure this is wine?" Apparently, my tasting technique needs some refinement. I'm more of a 'bottoms up' kind of critic.
Can we talk about the elaborate ritual of opening a bottle of wine? It's like a secret society handshake. You need a corkscrew, some finesse, and maybe a degree in ancient hieroglyphics to decipher the label. I swear, by the time I finally open the bottle, I've aged the wine another five years. It's like a workout – forget CrossFit; just open a bottle of wine.
People who like wine are always talking about pairing it with the right food. I'm more of a "pair it with whatever's in my fridge" kind of person. But they make it sound so fancy, like, "Oh, this merlot pairs perfectly with a medium-rare filet mignon." Meanwhile, I'm at home like, "This boxed wine pairs perfectly with leftover pizza rolls.
You ever notice how people who like wine suddenly become sommeliers in social situations? I mean, they take one sip and suddenly they're giving you this whole dissertation on the undertones, the aroma, the history of the grape, like they just downed a bottle of Wikipedia. I'm over here like, "Yeah, it's red, it's supposed to taste like grapes, right?

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