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Joke Types
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I told my boss I needed a raise because I'm skilled at multitasking. I can waste time and procrastinate simultaneously.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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I told my wife she was overusing emojis. She said I was just being too 😒.
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I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.
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I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.
Dating
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My ghostwriter told me to focus on one word for my jokes tonight. So I asked my date, What's your favorite word? She said, Silence. Well, that date didn't last long.
Marriage
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I asked my wife for one word to describe our marriage. She said, Effort. I thought, Great, now I need to put effort into understanding what that means.
Misunderstandings
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You know, my friend gave me just one word as a note for tonight's comedy set. One word. I thought he wanted a deep, philosophical conversation. Turns out, he just wanted my grocery list.
Parenting
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I asked my kids for one word to describe me as a parent. My daughter said, Embarrassing. I said, Great, I thought you were going to say 'Cool.' Well, at least I'm consistent.
New Year's Resolutions
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I made a New Year's resolution to simplify my life to one word. So far, the word is Procrastination. I'll start simplifying tomorrow.
Fitness
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My personal trainer told me, One word: Exercise. I replied, Oh, I thought the one word would be 'Pizza.' No wonder I'm not losing weight.
Job Interviews
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I had a job interview recently, and they asked me for one word to describe my strengths. I said, Honesty. They replied, Well, we were looking for 'Multitasking,' but we appreciate the honesty.
Cooking
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My cooking instructor gave me a key piece of advice: One word: Spices. I took it to heart and made the spiciest dish ever. Now my neighbors think I'm testing chemical weapons.
Self-Improvement
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I decided to focus on one word for self-improvement. So, every day, I look in the mirror and say, Today, I will be 'Productive.' Then I spend the whole day watching cat videos.
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