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I love my older brother, but he's got the fashion sense of a scarecrow. I mean, he still wears those cargo pants like it's a survival tool. I asked him, "Bro, are you going camping or just hitting the mall?" And he's always got this one shirt he swears is lucky. It's older than my grandma, has more holes than Swiss cheese, and smells like the time we left pizza in the car for a week. But according to him, that shirt has seen it all - job interviews, first dates, and one particularly messy spaghetti dinner.
I told him, "Dude, that shirt is so outdated; even hipsters wouldn't wear it ironically." But he's like, "Fashion is temporary; style is eternal." I'm thinking, "Yeah, eternal, like that shirt in a landfill somewhere."
So, here's to my older brother, the fashion guru who's stuck in a time warp. If he ever starts a clothing line, it'll be called "Vintage or Just Really, Really Old?
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My older brother fancies himself as the family guru. He's like our personal philosopher, dropping wisdom bombs that sound deep but often leave you scratching your head. The other day, he said, "Life is like a puzzle; you have to find the missing pieces." I'm thinking, "No kidding, Sherlock! Life is also like a puzzle because I spend way too much time trying to figure out where I fit in."
But the best is when he tries to mediate family disputes. He walks in all serene, like he's Gandalf about to break up a hobbit fight. He says, "Let's remember, family is like a garden. It needs love and care."
I'm like, "Bro, this garden has some seriously thorny issues, and I'm not in the mood to water them with love."
So, here's to my older brother, the family guru, turning every disagreement into a chapter of his self-help book that no one asked for.
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My older brother is the king of pranks, and by king, I mean the joker who thinks whoopee cushions are still the height of comedy. He once convinced me that eating Pop Rocks and chugging soda would turn me into a human fireworks display. Spoiler alert: I'm not a superhero; I just had a stomachache for a week. And he loves the classics, like the fake spider on the bathroom floor. I'm not ashamed to admit that I scream like a banshee every time. He says, "It's just a prank, bro." I'm like, "Yeah, well, your funeral will be just a funeral, bro."
But the best part is when he pranks himself. He once put plastic wrap on his own toilet seat. I walked in on him struggling, and he goes, "I got pranked by a genius." Yeah, a genius who forgot which toilet he wrapped.
So, hats off to my older brother, the prankster extraordinaire, turning every day into April Fools' Day.
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You know, I've got an older brother, and he thinks he's the wisest guy on the planet. He's like a walking, talking Wikipedia page that no one asked for. The other day, he tried to give me life advice. He goes, "Bro, life is like a roller coaster. You gotta hold on tight and enjoy the ride." I'm sitting there thinking, "Thanks, Captain Obvious. I thought life was more like a sudoku puzzle - confusing, frustrating, and I have no idea what I'm doing."
But he's always got this tone, you know, like he's the Yoda of our family. He goes, "In every problem, there's an opportunity." I'm like, "Dude, in every problem, there's also a chance I'm gonna need therapy. Stop being so optimistic!"
So, shoutout to my older brother for turning every family gathering into a TED Talk on life, love, and why you should never wear socks with sandals.
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