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The office kitchen is like a culinary battlefield. You put your lunch in the fridge, and it's like playing a game of "Will it be there when I come back?" I once had my sandwich disappear, only to find it rebranded as someone else's "experimental lunch." I didn't know my turkey and mustard combo was avant-garde.
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There's always that one person in the office who insists on replying to every email with "Noted." It's like their default setting is permanently stuck on acknowledgment mode. I sent them a wedding invitation, and all I got back was, you guessed it, "Noted.
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The office thermostat is the real puppet master of our workplace. It's the only entity that can unite the entire office in a common cause. Forget team-building seminars; just let us collectively complain about being too hot or too cold, and we'll bond like never before.
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You know you spend too much time with your office mates when you start using the office lingo in your everyday life. I caught myself saying "Let's circle back on that" during a family dinner. My grandma was so confused; she probably thought we were planning a family meeting with minutes and action items.
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Office birthdays are a strange phenomenon. We gather around the saddest cake, sing a tuneless version of "Happy Birthday," and then watch as the person awkwardly tries to cut a slice without flipping the whole thing onto the conference table. It's like a team-building exercise in cake destruction.
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You know you're too invested in your office life when you start dreaming about work. I had a nightmare that I was stuck in a never-ending meeting. Woke up in a cold sweat, and my first thought was, "Do I need to send a follow-up email about that dream meeting?
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Working in an office is like being in a bizarre social experiment. You have this unspoken agreement with your office mates to pretend that everyone loves the breakroom coffee. It's like, "Yeah, it's not the greatest, but it's the ritual that counts. We're bonding over our collective caffeine suffering.
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The office printer is like a mythical creature that only appears when it's least convenient. It's a master of timing. Need to print that important report? Printer's out of paper. Want to impress the boss with a snazzy presentation? Printer decides it's the perfect time for a paper jam party.
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We have a designated office joker who thinks it's hilarious to leave passive-aggressive notes in the communal spaces. Last week, I found a sticky note on the microwave that said, "Microwave operates better when you actually clean up your exploded spaghetti, Karen." Comedy gold, Karen. Comedy gold.
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