18 Jokes For Million Dollar

Puns

Updated on: Dec 18 2024

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Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets!
Why did the billionaire bring a calculator to dinner? He wanted to do some 'divide and conquer'!
Why was the billionaire always calm? Because he had a million reasons to be!
How do billionaires vacation? They yachting!
What do you call a wealthy elf? Welfy!
Why was the rich man's belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of expensive pants!
Why did the billionaire open a bakery? He kneaded the dough!
Why did the billionaire bring a piggy bank to work? He wanted to make some 'bacon' on the side!

Million Dollar Memories

They say your wedding day is priceless, but mine had a price tag of a million dollars. And that was just for the photographer who insisted on capturing every tear, every smile, and every regrettable dance move. I didn't know memories came with such a hefty invoice.

Million Dollar Mornings

I read somewhere that successful people have a million-dollar morning routine. So, I tried waking up at 5 am, drinking a kale smoothie, and doing yoga. Turns out, my body prefers a million-dollar snooze button and a breakfast burrito in bed. Who knew?

Million Dollar Brain

I was feeling like a million bucks the other day. Turns out, that's just the feeling you get when you finally remember where you parked your car at the mall. My brain has a net worth of a million neurons, but most of them are just arguing over what to have for lunch.

The Million-Dollar Mystery

I saw a sign that said, Solve this puzzle, and you could win a million dollars! I thought, great, finally a chance to put my years of binge-watching detective shows to good use. Turns out, the puzzle was just trying to figure out why anyone would give away a million dollars for solving a puzzle.

The Million-Dollar Miracle

I tried that million-dollar skincare routine everyone's talking about. It promised to make me look ten years younger. Well, it worked! Now I look like I'm in kindergarten, and my bank account is the one crying in the corner.

Million Dollar Diet

They say money can't buy happiness, but have you tried being sad on a yacht? It's not easy. You know, they also say health is wealth. Well, if that's true, I must be a millionaire because my diet consists of a million different excuses for why I'm not at the gym.

The Million-Dollar Dilemma

I recently heard someone say, I have a million-dollar smile. Well, that's great, but my bank account has more of a thousand-dollar grimace. Turns out, my dentist and my financial advisor have very different opinions on what constitutes a million-dollar asset.

The Million-Dollar Map

They say every journey begins with a single step. Well, my journey to find a million dollars began with a single step into quicksand. Turns out, the universe has a twisted sense of humor, and my treasure map led straight to a financial sinkhole.

The Million-Dollar Marriage

I overheard a couple arguing the other day. The husband said, I thought you said 'I do' for better or for worse. She replied, I didn't sign up for a million dollars in credit card debt! Turns out, marriage is a million-dollar commitment, and I'm just over here trying to find someone willing to commit to splitting the pizza bill.

Million Dollar Misery

You ever notice how they call it a million-dollar idea? I had one of those once. It was a device that automatically finds your keys, your phone, and your sanity. You know what the million-dollar part was? It never actually worked. I guess the real million-dollar idea is convincing people they need something that doesn't exist.

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