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So, my ghostwriter wants me to imagine a world where I shop in gendered clothing stores, and I'm like, "Hold up, you mean I can't just go to the store and pick out a shirt? Now I have to navigate through 'men's' and 'women's' sections, each with its own set of expectations?" I mean, what's the deal with the sizing? Ladies, how do you figure out if something will fit? "Is this an 8 or an M? Oh, it's a W? What does the 'W' stand for, 'Weird'?" And don't get me started on pockets. Why does it seem like women's pants have pockets that can only fit, like, a single Tic Tac? I need pocket space! How else am I going to carry around my overwhelming sense of confusion in this gendered clothing world?
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Lastly, my ghostwriter suggests exploring the world of straight weddings. You know, the ones with traditional roles and all that jazz. I mean, the last wedding I went to, I was just trying not to trip on the bride's dress. Now, imagine having a whole set of expectations about who does what based on gender. I can't even imagine the stress of picking the right side of the aisle to sit on. "Do I sit with the bridesmaids or the groomsmen? Can I just stand in the middle and hope for the best?" And don't even get me started on catching the bouquet. Is that like a Hunger Games scenario? "May the odds be ever in your favor... to find a date before the next wedding.
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You ever wake up one day and think, "What if I were straight?" Yeah, my ghostwriter gave me that thought. I mean, it's like trying to navigate a maze without a map. I'd be there like, "Wait, so you're telling me I have to approach someone of the opposite sex and, what, make small talk? I can barely manage that with my best friend." I imagine it's like a crash course in subtlety. "Do I twirl my hair? No, that seems too romantic comedy. Maybe I just stare deeply into their eyes and hope they can read my mind. Oh no, that's just creepy." Straight folks, how do you do it? It's like a dance with a million unwritten rules. I feel like I'm on the set of a reality show where I'm the only one who didn't get the script.
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Now, let's talk about the dating game. My ghostwriter wants me to envision dating someone of the opposite sex, and I'm just sitting there thinking, "Is this like a completely different level of gaming? Is there a cheat code for understanding signals?" I can barely understand the signals from my cat when he wants treats. Straight folks, you've got this intricate dance of flirtation, mixed signals, and decoding text messages. And don't even mention the friend zone. Is it like a physical location you can accidentally stumble into? "Oops, took a wrong turn at the coffee shop, and now I'm in the friend zone. How do I get out?" It's like a labyrinth of emotions, and I'm over here trying not to step on any emotional landmines.
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