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Let's talk about New Year's resolutions. You know, we all start the year with these grand plans. We're gonna hit the gym, eat healthy, maybe learn a new language. And then comes May 11th, and you're looking at your list of resolutions like, "What were those again?" I swear, May 11th is like the Bermuda Triangle for resolutions. It's the point where all those good intentions just vanish without a trace. You set out to be a new person, and by May 11th, you're like, "I guess the old me wasn't so bad after all."
And don't get me started on the gym membership. May 11th is when you realize the gym thinks you've been abducted by aliens because they haven't seen you since February. They're sending out search parties like, "Have you seen this person? Last seen attempting a push-up.
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You ever notice how remembering anniversaries can feel like diffusing a bomb? May 11th, that's the day I'm supposed to remember, right? And there's this pressure, this ticking clock, and you're like, "Am I gonna make it? Am I gonna defuse the anniversary bomb?" I mean, we've all been there. You wake up on May 11th, and you're like, "Is today someone's birthday? Did I miss a meeting? Oh no, it's... our anniversary." Now, the next few moments are crucial. It's like a scene from an action movie, but instead of defusing a bomb, you're just trying to find a last-minute gift that says, "I totally remembered, and I definitely didn't just Google 'anniversary gift ideas'."
And God forbid if you mess up the date. If you're off by a day, it's like you committed a crime. "You forgot our anniversary!" And you're standing there like, "No, no, I just set my calendar to a different time zone. It's still May 11th somewhere in the world!
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Who here is not a morning person? May 11th is the day I fully embraced my nocturnal nature. I mean, mornings are just a cruel joke. The sun is up, the birds are singing, and I'm over here like, "Can we press snooze on life, please?" And coffee? May 11th is when I realized coffee is not a beverage; it's a lifeline. It's the only thing standing between me and a world full of overly enthusiastic morning people. They're like, "Good morning!" and I'm like, "Is it, though?"
May 11th is when I admitted defeat in the battle against mornings. I'm not trying to seize the day; I'm just trying to survive it. If you see me before 10 am, just know I'm operating on autopilot, fueled by caffeine, and desperately counting down the hours until I can crawl back into bed.
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Can we talk about the struggle of passwords? I mean, May 11th is the day I realized I have more passwords than friends. You're logging into your accounts, and it's like a quiz show: "What was the name of your first pet? In what city were you born? And what's your favorite May 11th memory?" I have a password for everything – one for social media, one for banking, one for my coffee maker (because, you know, technology). But on May 11th, I realized I can't remember any of them. It's like my brain has a pop quiz, and it's failing miserably.
And the security questions! They're supposed to make things easier, but they're just a trip down memory lane. "What was your high school mascot?" I don't know, I barely remembered to go to high school. May 11th is the day I declared war on passwords. I'm changing them all to "password123" because at least that's honest.
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