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You guys ever watch that show "Somebody Feed Phil"? It's like the culinary version of a warm hug. I binge-watched the entire Season 6 in one sitting. I mean, if I'm going to be lazy, might as well make it educational, right? But here's the thing, after watching Phil devour those delicious meals around the world, I realized my microwave popcorn wasn't cutting it. I felt like I was disrespecting the culinary arts by eating it. Phil goes to Japan, has sushi that looks like it's doing a choreographed dance, and I'm here trying to figure out if I can spice up my ramen with ketchup. It's a gourmet struggle, folks.
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Watching "Somebody Feed Phil" makes me want to travel. I mean, who wouldn't want to eat their way around the globe? But here's the problem: my bank account has other plans. Phil is out there enjoying the best food in Paris, and I'm stuck at home eating a croissant from the supermarket, pretending it's authentic. It's like culinary FOMO – Fear of Missing Out on flavors. I watch Phil exploring street markets in Bangkok, and the most exotic thing I can find in my kitchen is a can of Spam. At this rate, I might have to start a show called "Somebody Feed Dave's Bank Account.
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I tried to recreate one of Phil's meals at home. I thought, "How hard could it be?" But here's the thing about cooking – it's not as easy as they make it look on TV. I attempted a dish from one of the episodes, and it looked like a crime scene in the kitchen. I was chopping onions like I was auditioning for a horror movie. And when I presented my masterpiece to my family, they looked at it like it was an alien creature. My daughter asked if we could order pizza instead. I realized that in my kitchen, I'm not a chef; I'm a food artist, and my medium is chaos.
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After watching 'Somebody Feed Phil,' I decided I'm going to be a food influencer. I mean, why not? I love to eat, I have a phone with a camera – that's basically the only requirement, right? So, I started taking pictures of every meal, even if it was just a bowl of cereal. I thought I was nailing it until I saw Phil's Instagram. His food photos look like they've been touched by the gods of photography. My photos look like a crime against Instagram. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not a food influencer; I'm more of a food intervention candidate. My friends have started an anonymous group for me – FAA, Foodies Addicted to Avocado. It's a safe space where we can admit our food photo failures.
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